Relationship: Is it really that important to be able to laugh together? That’s what the expert says

Oskar Holzberg
Laugh together

In short: Logical. Laughter brings people together.

And now in more detail: Every joke is a risk. Hardly anything is more embarrassing than a joke – and no one laughs. A fate that doesn’t just happen to stand-up comedians who bore their audience. But also Thomas as Annette’s love partner. The two are one of those overworked couples with two jobs, a dog and a blended family. Which is why they argue about the budget. Annette doesn’t want to exploit a household helper who cleans up the mess for both of them. Instead, she suggests cleaning the house together on Saturday.

“Saturday?” grins Thomas. “That’s great! I’ll go to the stadium and you can vacuum the living room undisturbed.” Annette’s expression suddenly darkens: “I don’t find that funny at all! Somehow you don’t seem to give a shit about what I care about. You can really do me!” Admittedly, Thomas Spruch barely reaches two out of 15 points on the funnyness scale. But perhaps he would have at least gotten a hint of a tired smile if Annette were relaxed with him. But she isn’t. She wants that clarify the conflict and feels thwarted by Thomas’s weak joke.

Thomas is currently radioing in vain on the comedy channel. His attempt to create commonality and thus a connection through humor fails. But it’s understandable why Thomas chooses this path: laughter brings people together. We accompany or end most everyday remarks with a short laugh without consciously realizing it. We cheer each other up, gain distance from situations and take the severity out of them, defuse conflicts and prevent insults. According to research, happiness, life satisfaction and humor are linked. Those who have fun regularly are happier and feel better into old age. Humor is important to more than 90 percent of all respondents when choosing a partner. Couples who laugh together fall into a common rhythm of laughter, a couple’s dance in which they tune into each other, sometimes just for moments.

laughing is healthy

They are then united in their view of life and in taking it lightly in this moment. They dance in the interplay of following and leading, as one saying brings forth the next. The facial muscles and diaphragm relax, blood pressure drops, and endorphins are released. Laughing is actually healthy. Whether they both find Torsten Sträter funny or are amused together by the fact that no one knows where they parked the damn car. We enjoy our favorite funny and quick-witted person who makes us laugh in a liberating way.

Couples researcher John Gottman has statistics to support his statement, but we also know it that way. People love to laugh. Anton Chekhov said that women remember most fondly men with whom they could laugh. Men still like to claim humor, but they also increasingly appreciate women with a sense of humor. When our loved one can make us laugh, happy moments arise. It makes it easier for us to go through our lives, which are far from always strange, together. And maybe sometimes we just stay together because we never want to stop laughing.

Oskar Holzberg has been treating couples and writing about it for almost 30 years. He says, “Love is not an illusion, but we have too many illusions about love.”

Bridget