Inka Bause reveals
Most people make these mistakes while getting to know each other
“With your mistakes you open up other people to you” – when it comes to interpersonal relationships, presenter Inka Bause knows exactly what she is talking about.
© Zweisam / Shutterstock
As the presenter of “Bauer sucht Frau”, Inka Bause has already brought many couples together. In an interview, the dating expert told us what mistakes, from her point of view, many people make during the getting to know each other.
Bringing people together, accompanying them as they get to know each other, get closer, maybe even fall in love – these are essential aspects of Inka Bause’s work. Since 2005 the woman from Leipzig has hosted the program “Bauer sucht Frau” on RTL. Over the years she has heard a lot of stories to get to know each other: some became partnerships, others ended in separate ways. Now the dome queen has found a new match herself: Inka has allied itself with “Zweisam.de”, a dating portal for more mature people (50+).
To celebrate this event, we talked to the moderator about the wonderful topics of love, dating, falling in love, etc. – and in doing so, she revealed to us, among other things, what, according to her observations, stands in the way of many people in the early phase of getting to know each other, her to find great happiness in love.
Inka Bause reveals: 4 mistakes many people make when getting to know each other
1. Think too much
In Inca’s experience, the very first feeling when getting to know each other is a decisive criterion that we can basically trust. “As a rule, we can already feel in the first few seconds whether something connects us to a person or not,” she says. “We just forgot to listen to it.” Instead of being open-hearted about a person, we usually assign them to categories very quickly, according to Inca’s observation, for example “educated”, “successful”, “insecure” … But with that we ignore the essential thing: our feelings.
In our defense: This categorization is a very typical act of our thinking. Our brain needs clarity, that’s why we put everything and everyone in boxes. But when it comes to people, the love messenger recommends to be at least aware of this habit, but better still to try to get rid of it – and ideally to search for clarity with our hearts.
2. Don’t give yourself time
If the first impression doesn’t give you a bad feeling, someone directly arouses our sympathy, according to Inka, it is important to really take the time to get to know these people and to find out what can connect us with them. “Especially when we get older, we are above all the sum of our experiences,” says Inka. “In order to discover them and to recognize the worth of a person, it takes patience”.
3. Pay attention to small externals
In Inca’s experience, what prevents many from really taking time for a person when getting to know each other is that they pay too much attention to external little things that bother them. “Instead of concentrating on what we don’t like about a person, we could also look for what touches and triggers us. What does this person radiate? Does he speak my language? Does he use my words? Perhaps he thinks like me ? “says the moderator. In this way, we have a much better chance of realizing a person’s beauty and finding common ground than if we approach the matter with a catalog of expectations and mark those in red that are not met.
4. Hide your own mistakes
Many people try to make a positive impression when they get to know each other and to present themselves from their best side. Inka advises, however, to be as authentic as possible and to stand by your own quirks and mistakes. “With your mistakes you open up other people to you. If he sees that you are not perfect, he also feels more secure and confides his mistakes to you,” explains Inka. “And to recognize the other’s mistakes, in turn, sets you free.” In this respect, it makes sense, not only with a view to the long term, to lay the cards openly on the table as early as possible (because at some point you can no longer pretend …). In Inca’s experience, this also makes the getting to know phase much more relaxed – and probably even more intense …