Relationship phases: Which are you in? And when does it become easy?

According to psychologists, we go through five phases of relationships in partnerships (if they last so long …). We'll tell you here which are particularly difficult and when it will become calmer.

At the beginning of a relationship, everything is always nice and exciting. Butterflies in your stomach, one sweet proof of love after another, caution, consideration and romance. But it doesn't stay that way in any partnership. The cooperation becomes more familiar, the relationship more natural and the respective partners change and develop (hopefully!) Somehow.

The psychologist Roland Weber (1950 – 2014) coined a model, according to which couples five different relationship phases go through, each with special pitfalls and opportunities. Couple therapists still stick to it today – and maybe it also coincides with your personal experience …?!

5 relationship phases – at a glance

  1. Infatuation
  2. awakening
  3. struggle
  4. Get together
  5. Arrived

5 relationship phases – step by step

1. Fall in love

The phase of falling in love should be known to all people who have had a relationship before – and most others actually. In this phase we are wearing them pink glasses, find almost everything the other person does great, would prefer never to be without him again and feel the typical tingling in the stomach. Our body is in a hormonal emergency – but as soon as he dies, the first big test for us as a couple follows …

2. Awakening / disappearing feeling of falling in love

If the feelings of infatuation diminish, the awakening approaches us. Most of them do after about a year. Suddenly we recognize much more weaknesses and negative sides from our partner than before, all things that can suddenly annoy us. Now we see the human being as it really is, no longer filtered pink. But only under this condition can true love arise between us. It is important at this point that we have enough self-love and self-awareness to tolerant of our partner to be able to be. If we make excessive demands on him, because we generally strive for perfection in our lives, they stand in our way of developing further deeper feelings for another person. Awakening is therefore a bad thing for a whole range of partnerships …

3rd fight

We wish you good luck and all the best if you have survived the difficult awakening together as a couple – because in the third phase of the relationship it often really starts, most of them find it difficult. The partners must now learn to argue with one another, assert themselves and establish their individual balance of powers (yes, it differs from couple to couple, you can find more on this in our expert tips for a long-term relationship). Right now it is decided: Does the other one mean enough to me to fight this fight and accept one or the other defeat or is it not worth it to me to overcome my own pride?

4. Finding

In the fourth phase of the relationship, calm but slowly returns to everyday life as a couple. The partners now experience the others – including all their rough edges – as enrichment, feel their own new role – as part of a team – more and more as pleasant and energizing. There are friction and disputes still, but the partners overcome them together and feel with each resolved conflict, the closeness and contact between them stronger become.

5. Arrived

Anyone who has reached the fifth and final phase of a partnership is welcome to post a photo of themselves and their sweetheart on Instagram and share it with them #couplegoals adjourn. In the arrived phase, topics such as role allocation, future wishes and which of the 5 languages ​​of love the other speaks are clarified – and both feel comfortable and satisfied with the result. The partners, whether with children or childless, now form a family where they feel safe and at home. Of course there are still arguments and conflicts – in the end there are in every good family – yes the couple's bond is so strong that they clarify the solvable things and cope with the unsolvable. Because what is related to each other is much, much more important and gives him more than always getting his own head through.

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