relationship
The 10 Most Underestimated Dangers To A Partnership – And How To Avoid Them
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The nastiest dangers are those that we do not even recognize as such. But don’t worry: We’ll reveal 10 typical, unrecognized relationship threats – so that you can elegantly avoid them.
Infidelity, too little or poor communication, orgasm problems or other difficulties in bed and, of course, financial worries – most of them are likely to think that such things can torpedo a relationship and, in the worst case, capsize it. But we know from “Titanic”: Often enough it is the underestimated dangers that cause a ship to sink. In a contribution for “Huffington Mail“blogger and psychologist Kelly Flanagan presented his nine most dangerous icebergs for the partnership – and we think he has pretty much hit the mark with them. However, Flanagan also overlooked an iceberg …
10 underestimated dangers to the relationship
1. We love our counterparts as they are – not as they want to be
People change, partly because they want to. Or do you not want to become more mature, smarter, happier and more balanced …? Anyone who enters into a partnership with the expectation that: the other person will always remain the same as you have met them: sooner or later you will be disappointed.
2. Despite our relationship, we are on our own
Overcoming loneliness is not that easy by throwing yourself into a partnership. Because even in a relationship there will always be things that we can only work out with ourselves. But if this is not clear to us and we hope that our counterpart will free us from all longings and feelings of loneliness, it cannot meet our requirements – and we become frustrated.
3. The package we have to carry …
We’ve all been hurt or done something we’re ashamed of – maybe even broken someone else’s heart. In short: everyone has certain wounds and carries around with them one or two parcels from the past. Now it can happen, especially in a close relationship, that we are confronted with it and our wounds are torn open again. We then foolishly (often unconsciously) take that from our: our current partner: in a bad way, although he: she is actually innocent.
4. The ego
Who likes to give in? Or admits that she: he was wrong and made a mistake? Swallowing your ego is difficult, even in a relationship. But that’s where you have to, because if two people insist on their point of view, they can neither pull together nor move forward together in the long term.
5. Life is chaotic – and so is relationships
It is impossible to be prepared for everything in life or to always have everything planned and under control. Most of the time we have to improvise and make the best of a situation that we hadn’t even ordered with fate. And the same goes for partnerships. If you want to be happy in your relationship, you have to give up the dream of the perfect partnership – and get involved with reality.
6. Compassion is more exhausting than expected
For the: the partner: feeling with compassion may sound like a matter of course for many, but in truth it is not that easy. Entering into the perspective of another person not only requires strength, but also courage and a lot of trust, after all, we have to let go of our own. But if we cannot give or receive this supposed “matter of course” – what is the meaning of the relationship …? A fatal mistake, because trust and compassion can only develop with active involvement and sufficient willingness to take risks.
7. Children are loved more than partners
Yes, for some partnerships, according to Flanagan, their children are the iceberg. But they would not exist without the: the partners: in not at all. If that is not reason enough for him: to treat her as lovingly and caringly as the offspring …
8. Subliminal power struggles
We would all like to always get our way, even in partnership. That’s what makes people tick, and that’s okay – as long as we admit it. Then we can come to terms with it and ensure that sometimes one, sometimes the other, gets their money’s worth. Otherwise we would sooner or later lose control of our relationship due to the sheer subliminal power struggles. And then being right doesn’t help much.
9. We are not used to being faithful
At work, with social trends and with technological developments, we don’t even start – we live in fast-moving times in which flexibility is a key qualification. But if we change jobs and mobile phones every two years, how are we supposed to get along with the same: the same partner for 10, 20, 30 years without getting bored? In many areas of life, loyalty is no longer particularly valuable, and that can be dangerous in a partnership.
10. We don’t love ourselves enough
Self-love and self-awareness are not something that a: e partner: in mediates – we have to work on it ourselves, before, during and next to every relationship. Of course, our treasure can help us, our partnership can be one of the pillars on which we build our self-esteem. But anyone who goes into a relationship without enough independent and unconditional self-love and believes that the other person can fix it, simply expects too much. After all, the other is only human and probably already has enough to do with her: his own self-confidence.
Video tip: signs that you don’t love yourself enough