Relationship: These conflicts cannot be resolved by even the happiest couples

Couples therapist reveals
Even the happiest couples cannot resolve these conflicts

Happy couples see themselves as a team. You pull together, share common goals and together find a solution for every challenge and every (relationship) problem. Conflicts aka opposing interests? Of course there will be that in a healthy partnership. But then you explain to each other your own perception, describe the feelings that this perception causes in you, and – whoosh! – the conflict is over and everyone is satisfied.

Or?

Nope! Says couple therapist Eric Hegmann: “Two thirds of all couple problems cannot be solved by a conflict that can satisfy both partners equally.“Phew, two-thirds? That sounds pretty much! But don’t worry, says Hegmann, because:” Conflicts are normal. Even if two people love each other very much, it would be complete unrealistic to hope that the partners always have the same needs at the same time. The awareness that all needs are equal to begin with saves many couples from tough arguments about it. “

When there are different emotional needs, someone always loses out

But what are such conflicts for which no compromise can be found that satisfies both partners equally? A classic from his therapy sessions: evening planning in stressful everyday life or, as Hegmann calls it: “Emotional connection at the end of the working day.“

According to the therapist, the following conflict occupies many couples in this situation: “One partner wishes to recharge his batteries through contact with his partner, through exchange and conversation with him. The other partner charges his batteries by calmly collecting himself without any interaction in order to be able to muster energy for exchange again. ” Middle way? Nothing! One of the partners will always draw the short straw.

In general, unsolvable conflicts would be two mutually exclusiveopposing emotional needs which the partner is / would be needed to satisfy. One wants to talk, the other wants to be quiet. One wants to cuddle after sex, the other to sheep. One person loves flower sex, the other would like to try out new sex positions or is into quickies in between. One would like to visit parents and family on the weekend, the other would like action or togetherness. We could go on like this indefinitely – no wonder that Hegmann speaks of two-thirds …

The only question that arises is: How can partners become happy with each other if only one is satisfied in 67 percent of all conflict cases? One is decisive deep bond, mutual respect and that the partners allow each other happiness. Then, according to Hegmann, couples would find creative ways to deal with conflicts and to reconcile – even without resolving them and eliminating them.

Whether emotional, factual, in a partnership or at work: Here you can find out how you can resolve solvable conflicts.

Would you like to find out more from Eric Hegmann? You can find a lot of information and coaching offers on his Website.

Or maybe you feel like talking to others about solvable and unsolvable conflicts of any kind? Then you are in ours Community in good hands.

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