Because bipolarity is too often trivialized, because received ideas persist around this mental illness, Romane, 23, told us her story with an open heart. As a teenager, she was diagnosed with cyclothymic bipolar. Today, she is fighting to live.
When we listen Roman tell us his story, we can be immediately struck by his southern accent, so solar, but it is above all his love for life that we notice. However, life has not always been easy for this young woman of 23, diagnosed cyclothymic bipolar at the age of 17. A severe and insidious diseasewhich today affects more than 500,000 children in France, and who settled in her home from an early age.
As a little girl, Romane was a very sad childplagued by anxieties and anger. “Not knowing how to verbalize what I felt, I hid a lot behind big smiles and especially during my so-called ‘up’ phases. (phases of excitation editor’s note) that I didn’t really control. But the sadness quickly took over and the anxiety too”she told us. The disease impacted his whole lifeincluding his education. “I had school phobias and towards CP I was taken out of the system so that I could take correspondence courses to allay my fears.
Daily crises
Before the diagnosis is made, Romane lived on borrowed time and suffering martyrdom for years without being able to name his illness. It’s as if he had been robbed of his entire childhood and a large part of his adolescence. A period marked for her by a therapeutic abandonment and years of medical wanderings. Daily, his malaise was then manifested by spasmophilia but also very frequent malaise and seizures. “At home, it was fits of hysteria to the point of becoming violent and hurting my loved ones and myself. I mutilated myself a lotI had eating disorders and I had risky behaviorsespecially with alcohol and drugs”she says.
I am aware of not having had a youth, since even in moments between friends it turned into a nightmare for me.
When the diagnosis is…
So when the diagnosis is finally made, thanks to the expertise of the Center for Anxiety and Mood Disorders in Paris, emotions intertwine. For Romane, who was still a teenager at the time, this step was both a real reliefto be able to put a word on his ailmentsbut also a leap into the unknown. “I was not surprised, I knew there was something behind my suffering, even though many specialists did not believe me. I remember crying and then being very quiet wondering what was going to happen. then pass. I also felt, without bragging, strong for having always been so close to the abyss without knowing what I had and still being alive.“, she says.
His relatives, his family and his friends, have also been and still are a great help. They supported him, they believed him for the most part, but above all they allowed him to never let it down. “A lot of psychiatrists and psychologists made me look crazy and someone who had no future. I was called dangerous when I was not dangerous to others but only to myself.”
Fight against disease
Today, Romane is 23 years old and she continues to learn to live with her bipolarity. If her disease is not yet stabilized, because the body of the young woman resists the treatments, she continues to face her demons for, as she says, “tame your brain.
“I can’t live like everyone else. I think that the late discovery of my disease did not help me at all. I am in a period of depression, a depression that lasts. I have strong anxieties that paralyze my days, I also have obsessive compulsive disorders based on washing in particular. My suicidal thoughts are still present. My journey as a 23-year-old girl comes down to suffering, and honestly, the only thing that still keeps me alive is writing, my passion, and the love I have for my loved ones.
“For me, cyclothymia is an infinite mountain, which collapses and revives when the sun returns. And I’m right in the middle, trying to extricate myself from these landslides, without it splashing my loved ones”she concludes.
One day, she hopes to be able to realize her projects and her dreams because, yes, she has some and she loves life above all else.
Learn more about cyclothymia
Contrary to popular belief, the bipolarity also applies to children and adolescents. We then speak of juvenile bipolarity and more particularly of cyclothymia. In the youngest, this disorder is characterized by rapid mood swingswhich oscillate between excitation phases (the phases up) and phases of depression (the phases down). In question: their brain does not properly regulate their moods, explained to us the psychiatrist Elie Hantouche, expert on the subject.
The World Health Organization (WHO) has classified “bipolar disorder among the ten most disabling pathologies“relates a report of the High Authority for Health in 2014.
This bipolar disorder would also, in most cases, hereditary. “I have never seen a bipolar child who does not have in his family one of his relatives who is not bipolar”Dr. Hantouche assured us.
A sincere thank you to Romane for sharing her story with us.
Since September 2021, Lisa has joined the Aufeminin team. Little by little she specialized in subjects related to parenting. Curious and passionate about writing, she likes to tell …