Schadenfriending: spying on someone you hate

Can't help but watch this person you don't like on Instagram (and maybe you don't know either)? This syndrome has a name: schadenfriending.

You don't like or hate this person, yet you never resist the temptation to stalk them on Instagram or Facebook. Much more complex than jealousy, this obsession has a name: schadenfriending syndrome.

This term, "schadenfriending", is the contraction of schadenfruede (German word meaning "bad joy") and friend ("friend"). This phenomenon is characterized according to the Urban Dictionary by the need to add a person to his network for the sole purpose of to be able to spy on him. Why ? Quite simply because his discomfort and his disappointments give us some relief, even some pleasure. Like a bad habit, some can even do it every day in an almost obsessive setting.

Buried rivalry or hatred

Often this unhealthy curiosity is the result of some form of rivalry or hidden hatred towards someone. This may be due to a bad event in the past or a long-standing complex that the person is amplifying. For example, this popular high school girl who stung you all your crush or the "good student" of your company who climbed the ranks while you are struggling to get a raise. And despite their maddening side, you feel obliged to keep in touch with them via social media.

According to Irene Levine, psychologist and professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine interviewed by Grazia Uk, this need to compare oneself with others would be an entirely natural attitude: “Our friends and acquaintances can use us as barometers. They help us to judge and define ourselves. Some of our friends are role models whose success we try to imitate. So it's normal to feel jealous when they seem to be more successful than us. ”.

Schadenfriending can also concern an ex or an old friend, and even the new partner or the new girlfriend of your ex.

Behavior harmful to mental health

Stalking, schadenfriending … Whatever name you give it, this practice has grown with the Internet and social networks. This schadenfriending union is not to be overlooked, especially when we know that social networks would seriously harm the mental health of young people aged 14 to 24, according to a study published by the Royal Society for Public Health and the Young Health Movement. Instagram and Snapchat are classified as the most harmful to mental health and well-being. "The two platforms are very image-oriented, however, and it seems that they can lead to feelings of insufficiency and anxiety in young people" said Shirley Cramer, the executive director of the Royal Society for Public Health.

Spying on the actions of someone you don't particularly like or secretly envy can be harmful to your health. To avoid constantly comparing and depreciating, the best is to block these people so as not to be tempted to go snooping on their account, and by the way, take the opportunity to make a big cleanup to Marie Kondo in her feed. And to better understand this obsessive spiral of online tracking, we can only recommend the very good podcast of Judith Duportail, Who is Miss Paddle? which rightly addresses the toxicity of social networks.

See also: it would be possible to determine his love compatibility thanks to this question

Video by Clara Poudevigne