Yesterday I was actually standing in front of a half-full toilet paper shelf and briefly considered hamstering a few packs … I don't care if others don't get one anymore. Should they get up as early as I do? I just earned it …
And there it was again: my asshole I …
Surprising, because a few days ago I was shaking my head at crazy drugstore customers who were threatened with being beaten because they only wanted to give them a pack of toilet paper. Then I thought “How antisocial is that?” And “Why toilet paper of all things? There are really more important things than a clean bottom of the trousers… ”Well, as it is, it didn't take long, and my anti-social side pushed my beaming self aside and made it clear who was in charge of my thoughts …
We all know this fight.
Maybe not in terms of toilet paper, but certainly on other issues that are important to us. We have this great picture of ourselves, how we want to be and how we like to see ourselves, the so-called self-image. Unfortunately, we don't always manage to be who we want to be or how we see ourselves. This may sound strange at first, but it's pretty easy to explain. For example, I see myself as environmentally conscious and I honor this quality. My husband and I are actually very proud that a while ago we spent three times as much on a wood pellet heating system with a solar heating system compared to a gas heating system. We have foregone other things, such as a new kitchen. Of course, we always tell that with proudly swollen chest to show how environmentally conscious we are. On the other hand, we also drive short distances by car and we don't live vegan either. We do not only buy Demeter products and again and again completely superfluous plastic consumer goods get lost on our Amazon shopping list …
Unfortunately not as perfect as expected
One of the reasons why people like Greta Thunberg are fought by many people is because people like Greta show them that much more is possible and that we are not as perfect as we would like to be. Our self-image stands on very shaky legs. We have to actively hide a lot of the things that we do and leave out to maintain our self-image. And the moment someone hits us with the fact that we are not so perfect, we freak out internally and, depending on our temperament, externally. We go into self-defense mode and protect our self-image, it often costs what it costs. This mode is also different, depending on temperament and self-reflection skills.
With me too.
Just because I write about it does not mean that this mode is not at my start. Sometimes I am aware of it and sometimes not. I often only realize after a while what is going on in me. It's not nice. In fact, it's a pretty uncomfortable process. Because at that moment it becomes clear to me that I am not such a great person that I would like to be. This is – Pardon my French – really shit. Nobody needs … But how should we change or even improve if we don't become aware of our mistakes. Stupid situation …
Just be a little more lenient with yourself
Above all, it helps me not to be so strict with myself. Nobody is infallible. Why should it be me of all people? I can also learn from my mistakes if I want to. So I approach the moments of unpleasant knowledge with curiosity. True to the motto: Oh look, you were less smart again … Why was that?
How do you want to be next time?
That actually helps. Especially when I make myself clear how I want to react to the next one. In contrast to the popular self-crushing, where the main question is what could have been done differently, the question of future behavior is much more effective. I can't change the past anyway. So why ponder this further? It makes more sense to think about how you could do better next time. This kills two birds with one stone: brooding is eliminated and the next time you are able to conform to your own self-image is much higher.
Unfortunately, that doesn't always work either.
Because one thing is certain: we all mutate into assholes from time to time. For me, the art is to keep track of yourself, not to take yourself too seriously, and occasionally prefer to sweep on your doorstep than in front of others.
In "The Art of Not Being an Asshole", Anja Niekerken shows how funny, vivid and close to everyday life how we manage to stay who we want to be even in stressful times, annoying situations or simply shitty circumstances. A must for all those don't want to become an asshole unintentionally, anyone who doesn't want to become an asshole unintentionally.
Anja Niekerken is a growth of the north: sabbles without a point or a comma about things that captivate and excite her or just shut up and listen fascinated. Down to earth, she brings her content across with a lot of humor and examples straight from life. No matter whether in your books, in your Natural Leadership Podcast or in your seminars and lectures.