psychology
5 ways you can sabotage yourself without realizing it
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Admittedly, life is difficult at times. But often we make it harder for ourselves than it is – by pure mistake, but with great success …
Sometimes we are constructive and pragmatic, sometimes loving and sensitive, sometimes our bastard gets in our way and if we’re lucky, the child in us comes through every now and then. All people have been given the venerable life task, with several at the same time Personality shares to befriend – and somehow get them all under one roof …
One of these parts is quite inconspicuous, but it has a great influence on our livesn. The psychologist and physician Michaela Muthig calls him the “little saboteur” and has devoted an entire book to him in order to push his level of awareness a little and thereby put him in distress (“The little saboteur in us. Recognizing and unknown resistance dissolve “, dtv).
5 reasons why the saboteur is so successful in you
In her book, Muthig presents five typical reasons why the saboteur is so successful in our subconscious and still remains undetected. It seems that we often don’t want to see him at all – and that’s why we do a lot to protect him without our being aware of it. According to the psychologist, these five types of self-deception are the most common (and most proven …).
1. The “I knew it” mistake
With the “I knew it” error, we typically convince ourselves that certain negative patterns irrevocably drag through our lives. An example. Anyone who was an outsider in school and then only once did not find a presentation group in the seminar is much more likely to conclude that he is condemned to be an outsider for life than others. Problem: Once he has come to this conviction, this attitude accompanies him every step of the way, affects his behavior and its effect on others and tada – comes true. keyword self-fulfilling prophecy. And while the little saboteur is fine, we quarrel with our nasty fate …
2. The “I can’t help it” excuse
With the “I can’t help it” excuse, we protect our saboteur by avoiding self-reflection and instead for the sake of simplicity see the blame on others. Psychologists call this Externalization and in the example of the outsider this would correspond to a view like “Everyone else always excludes me, nobody understands me”. Problem: If we externalize, we cannot change a situation, so we cannot improve it either. Which of course pleases the saboteur, because a constructive approach such as actively integrating or concentrating on a few good friends with whom you have a common level would make us much happier and make progress in life more easily …
3. The “I have good reasons for it” face painting
The so-called “I have good reasons for it” beauty painting plays a role cognitive dissonance a big role, that is, that the perception does not coincide with the reality. In this strategy, we primarily protect our saboteur by relativize everything negative in our behavior or hide and instead explain to ourselves again and again why we act the way we act. The outsider could comfort himself wonderfully with the fact that he feels more comfortable alone anyway and that he has too much pride and self-respect to bend over or “run after” others.
4. The “It just has to be true” hoax
The “It just has to be true” fraud enables us to hold on to a belief even though fate, events or our fellow human beings actually refute it. You probably already guessed it: If our imaginary outsider suddenly finds friends and connections, he’ll say something to himself, for example: “They just want to take advantage of me, that’s why they’re so nice to me. I should be careful and not feel too much towards them to open.” And hey presto, the saboteur has nothing to fear again.
5. The “I can prove it” lie
The “I can prove it” lie is an efficient means of reinforcing and stabilizing our (false) convictions. It differs from the “I have good reasons” painting primarily in that we are targeted at this lie Collect observations that speak for the truth of our convictions. The already known outsider only needs to list all the situations in which he “once again” did not belong to the Inner Circle, and he will have confirmed himself (and brought his saboteur to safety) – even if he was actually only 8.5 Percent of all situations in his life and in the other 91.5 belonged just as much as everyone else.
The good news: These strategies of self-deception are only really effective and reliable as long as they are secret and take place in secret. Because if we know them, we can specifically check our train of thought and redirect it (if necessary with professional help or the help of others!). And then the saboteur should dress really warm …
Source used: Michaela Muthig, Der kleine Saboteur in uns. Recognize and resolve unknown resistances, dtv