Selfishness: how much is too much?

Nobody likes selfish people. Selfish, self-centered people who take no account of their fellow human beings and are only interested in themselves – admittedly, that sounds anything but pleasant! On the other hand, selfishness is healthy to a certain extent … So how do we deal with it? What is the boundary between good and bad selfishness? We answer that and much more now!

Selfishness: definition

The term egoism is derived from the Latin word "ego", the personal pronoun for the 1st person singular: "I". The meaning of the word alone denotes selfishness a world view in which the self is in the foreground and in the first place, (Funny! Just like in the list of our pronouns …)

In Duden, selfishness is defined a little more narrowly, as follows:

  • Attitude characterized by the pursuit of advantages for oneself, the fulfillment of personal desires without regard to the claims of others.

So that means: Selfish people put their own interests and desires above those of their fellow human beings.

Synonyms or terms that are ascribed at least a similar meaning to egoism in our usage are, for example:

  • selfishness
  • egomania
  • amour-propre
  • self-interest
  • selfishness
  • narcissism

The counterpart to selfishness is the so-called altruism, derived from the Latin word "alter", ie "the other". It describes in the narrower sense an attitude in which "the other" is in the foreground, and in the further selflessness and selflessness.

We are selfish in nature

Even if the definition of antipathy and dislike for selfish people is probably only increasing, we should be careful not to condemn selfishness in principle. Because:

  • When we wake up in the morning, the first thing we feel like it us goes.
  • If we ignore our needs, are we those who die of thirst.
  • If we don't pursue our interests – nobody does!

We are all experts in what is going on inside of us, We know our own desires better than those of our fellow human beings – and better than our fellow human beings know our desires. Selfishness is obviously a bit in nature. How and above all why should we please our ego in our life, thinking and acting Not put in the foreground …?

Our society only works with selfishness

In fact, we act or think selfishly more often in our everyday life and life than some may realize:

  • We go home on time (if possible) and only work as much as stipulated in the contract.
  • We pay in the supermarket when it's our turn and don't let everyone else.
  • We complain when we get a charred pizza from the Italian.
  • We expect and demand from our partner that we get back as much as we give.

All of these are examples of selfish behaviors in which we place our own interests above those of others. And would anyone ever judge us or find us unappealing? No. Because it's right and everyone does it.

In our society it is assumed that people who are able to take care of themselves and ensure that they are doing well – that is, behave selfishly. Understandable, because only those who are well and who are looked after can make a contribution, e.g. B. Raise children, work, pay taxes, buy clothes, cell phones and protein bars. In this respect, selfishness is from a social and economic perspective the simplest and most efficient methodto keep everything going – and thus ensure that it all works as well as possible.

5 arguments for selfishness

On the personal level too, selfishness is an indispensable rather than reprehensible quality. Because only those who are selfish can …

1. … have understanding for others.

Those who act selfishly can better classify and understand when other people are selfish – provided that this person is also self-reflective and clever. Therefore, selfish people ultimately find it even easier to tolerate others' needs and forgive ruthless behavior.

2. … follow your own path

We no longer fight against each other for survival, but our society is nevertheless shaped by competitive thinking and competition (e.g. on the job market or when looking for a partner). If we were not to put ourselves first, we would not make any progress. In addition, we all (hopefully) all of our lives so that we like it: we choose a job that we like, live where we like, etc. … Without a healthy dose of selfishness we would not do that.

3. … develop self-confidence

Asserting yourself and first and then realizing that this is completely okay strengthens self-esteem and personality. Without selfishness, we would be dependent on others and would suppress our self – it is clear that no stable self-confidence can be cultivated in this way.

4. … be there for others

How should someone who can't even take care of themselves be there for others? Those who always put their own needs back in favor of other people are inevitably neglected unless someone else cares for them (which, as we have seen, is not as efficient as if everyone does it themselves). In addition, we can only give as much as we have in mathematical terms …

5. … live a happy life

No question: We are of course happier when we satisfy our needs than when we suppress them for fear of appearing selfish. In addition, all of the above points are prerequisites for happiness – so selfishness is indispensable for this in two ways.

Why does selfishness (nevertheless) have such a bad reputation?

Although all of these considerations should lead to the conclusion that selfishness is actually quite nice, we cannot avoid the fact that he has an extremely bad reputation. And there are good reasons for that too.

1. We don't like selfishness because we are selfish

On the one hand, our own selfishness causes us to be disturbed when others are selfish – because as soon as someone puts himself and his needs in the center, he puts us on the edge with our interests (from his point of view). We can make ourselves known when he threatens to push us off the cliff, but that is not enough for the egoist in us – he would also like to be the center of attention for others.

2. We don't like selfishness when it degenerates

On the other hand, selfishness can actually sometimes degenerate and take forms that cross people's borders and allow others to be treated unfairly and disadvantaged, for example in such a form

  • Lying and cheating to enrich yourself
  • Blame and blame others for better standing yourself
  • Intrigue and exclude to consolidate your position

Most people have such actions in mind when they think of selfishness. It is therefore completely understandable that the property is so negatively affected. However, selfishness only leads to such behavior if other personality traits are added, such as: B .:

  • lack sense: Those who feel disadvantaged and think they don't get enough (attention, love, recognition, cheesecake …) often try to compensate for this by claiming more for themselves than they actually need. It looks as if this person is extremely selfish, but the truth is that this lack of feeling makes them behave like an A ***.
  • Stress: Under great pressure and stress, we simply do not have enough energy to notice others next to us, even if they make themselves felt. Strictly speaking, our own self is neglected when it comes to stress, so it screams even louder and puffs up more than usual.
  • Inferiority complex: Those who have a weak self-esteem often try to compensate for this with excessive selfishness and a thirst for validity. Of course, the shot usually backfires, because who z. B. always speaks only about himself, automatically gets less attention and appreciation from others – because they think this person doesn't need it.
  • Empathielosigkeit: Ultimately, people who are unable to empathize with others and put themselves in touch with their fellow human beings only have their selfishness and nothing that compensates for them. You can learn to behave appropriately, but without emotional concern, selfish behavior can easily degenerate.

Conclusion: If everyone stands by their selfishness, not much can go wrong

As we have seen, selfishness is fundamentally not as reprehensible and unpleasant as it is often classified. We are all somewhat selfish and as long as we are aware of it and stand up for ourselves, d. H. For example, if others cut our way in pursuing their interests, our coexistence works. We also have laws and a legal system that (should) ensure that nobody is disadvantaged – that is, prevent (should) prevent the worst if somebody overshoots their ego.

The key and something we often forget in selfish discussions is: Selfishness is only one trait of thousands, Those who are selfish can also be compassionate, sensitive, romantic, socially committed and even considerate. We are all able to control our behavior at least to some extent, question selfish impulses and only follow them when it is appropriate. Unless we are mother or father – then we have to be ready to completely give up our selfishness for a few years …