The body feeling has not disappeared. But maybe we have lost sight of it, this precious talent to revel in our body.
Warm air fans around your knees. Hair blows in the wind, the dress is pressed to the thighs with every step, the gait becomes springy, the world wants to be embraced. This is the moment when the heart fills the ribcage, all concerns are silent, everything becomes possible, secretive forces are directed. A great clarity in the head. You are arms, legs, stomach, buttocks, breasts. When the body suddenly feels so good and you enjoy it as it is, then you are alive to the point. A scream of pleasure could come loose if you were not on the road during a normal weekday in the city, between people who have no idea of your infinite blessedness. From your plump erotic. So you are silent, and only a big smile shows the world: I am here.
When was she last, that deep, comforting certainty of being alive? Where was it that you wanted to loll on the warm, buzzing meadow like a cat? In another life? Five years ago? Fifteen ago?
The body feeling is still there, you can feel it
The memory lives. Nothing is lost in the great miracle behind the forehead. The memory drills and gnaws. Maybe she comes dressed as a pain, as an insatiable longing. And you do not immediately know where to go with the wish: I want lust, I want love, I want passion.
But you take him seriously. You know that this pulling and tugging wants to show you something, like a child leading the mother by the hand to an amazingly beautiful butterfly. You realize: you want to have this unbridled power back. This movement and movement in the veins. You want to squeal again with delight. Dancing, running, jumping headfirst into a lake. Save yourself from seemingly gratuitous pleasure. The only reason: you yourself. And the hidden, almost forgotten life that is bubbling in you.
It’s not working. It’s gone, the magic feeling. The infatuation with your own life has fallen asleep. Maybe even offended, because pure lust for life was not an issue. Not many years.
What happened? Why do we let our female vitality die of thirst? Something so precious. Why are you in a body that you subject to daily gruff criticism, the unloved, of you in the letting age old, which does not correspond to what you would like to see in the mirror? Why do you maltreat him with diet and sometimes with marzipan? You are out of balance. You forgot the wonderful feeling of being a beautiful, an erotic, a seductive woman. And now you want it back.
“Everything we are looking for is there, we have to bring it back to life”, says Eva-Maria Zurhorst. And that many women go so that they have lost their femininity at some point out of sight. The best-selling author (“Love yourself and it does not matter whom you marry“) is organizing seminars on femininity with great success. And many participants have the same problem: “They feel numb, no longer enjoy sex, work without feeling.” She explains to women that they need new access to find out about themselves. “It does not go through the head, it only goes through the body,” says Eva-Maria Zurhorst, who wants to proclaim a new women’s movement, so widespread is the pain of lost femininity. “In the head,” says Zurhorst, “
Sex and eroticism are a matter of course if they wake up after puberty. We think. We feed on it, use it. Have youth, have men, have sex. And strength and health. And can go through three nights without sleep. The batteries are right at the start of women’s lives. We do not suspect that they will need food. Someday. And this day is now.
We moved away from us for a while.
We have fulfilled our tasks. As a working wife, as a mother, as a partner. It is much that emancipation has given us. A lot of claim. A lot of strength. Much competition. Much fight. Femininity, devotion, softness, beauty, vulnerability – everything a woman makes, unlike a man – that was biology, that was there by itself. Error.
Now that we’ve been working, as the family is running, the profession is installed, the man no longer has to be the center of happiness – now it stands out: we’ve moved a bit away from us. Done, you could say and start knitting baby hats. For the grandchildren.
But we are not like that. We are still women. Beautiful women. Living women. Women who have lived like us, from the full, often at the performance limit – do not now prematurely back to the third row and wait for osteoarthritis and the place in the retirement home. No, they have something else to do with them.
Time to take care of life
Why is it a shock – and a relief at the same time – when one of us becomes ill, even when one suddenly dies? Not because you’re glad it did not catch you. No, you know exactly: It could have hit you very well. And you feel how it’s time. Time to take care of your life.
Grief and loss – that too is part of this phase of life, as then no money and the first apartment. Now it goes to deeper layers of life. Now something in us knows: You can not move anything. Now is today. And today is all you have.
Sensuality of melancholy? Yes. Also. Sensuality with all senses. Who sorts feelings, excludes and pushes away, does not take the whole life in its fullness. He just wants the garnish from the roast plate. She is not fed up and not happy. In general, controlled avoidance is the greatest enemy of sensuality. We avoid the bumps and puffs, duck away from impositions, become cautious, maybe hard. Check people, check potential, check opportunities. The head always in advance. The body as a hostage behind. When the brain detects a temptation, the body is used to gain the reward. As a means. It’s just stupid that he does not shine like he once did. We are grateful to him. Hanging Bats, Kullerbauch, the modern invention of cellulite – how to make it State? And sex?
If you think so, you can just as well. The body is not a means to an end. He is your life. With all its beauties and disadvantages. Who says they are bad – that’s just our definitions, unhealthy pictures. Self-depreciation: Unsexy high ten!
Are we sexy, even without being young and perfect? And what is sexy anyway?
“Ineptitude and independence are sexy, for example,” says the Aachen sexologist Ulrike Brandenburg, She wishes us to “leave the vicious circle of shame“. That we reject the social norm that no longer devalues young women. “Anyone can decide: Do I belong to the host of the invisible, no longer desirable, or am I proud of myself the way I am?” It’s all about personality. And not the fear of what others think of us. “You can also have your bags removed – that’s okay too,” says Brandenburg. You can do anything you want, the main thing is, you dare. And trust you. Danger is sexy, why else do people go bungee jumping? Moving boundaries is sexy. This is the only way to declare one-night stands. Self-confidence is sexy. The game with your own eroticism is sexy.
Menopause revives old yearnings
The menopause – a time unsexy? A barrier to the fullness of femininity? The libido may decrease, the body changes. Something happens, which scares you. But much is not programmed hormonally. Much is homemade. Out of fear, ignorance, outdated norms and false expectations. “Menopause,” says Munich psychotherapist Andrea Kaffka, “are productive, they are turning years, plowing through everything, stirring up the old longings, arousing almost forgotten desires.” The long-term marriage with the barren compulsory program before falling asleep – she gets a question mark. What’s in the matured relationship with the man? Does he also feel this unrest, the desire to change something?
It often seems easier to seek the fulfillment of new pleasures in the outside world. The graying men with the young lovers, they are on the run from a truth, namely that erotic liveliness does not come from the outside, but from the inside. “We do not really get to know our sexual power until we’re thirty or so, and at the age of forty, it’s fully there,” says Kaffka. “From now on, charisma becomes more and more important, and it can be had by anyone, from the inside, not the outside.” Charisma – consolation prize for wrinkles and bacon? “No,” says the therapist, “of course we can do everything for our well-groomed appearance, everything that does us well, giving us a better body feeling The main thing is to stay relaxed: Whether you’re training for a flat stomach, knocking in expensive creams or dyeing hair, starting a salsa course or cooking regularly for guests, you can find your own feel-good management if you want it now on the move, inside, because you clean up, feel, accept, and outside, because you go off, radiate, find new contacts, fresh impressions.
You go, for example, in a shoe store and buy yourself again high-heeled. A giggle in the throat when paying, then walking on the sidewalk then unfamiliar. You are all leg. And the walk becomes safer. You stretch your shoulders, your neck. Get going, enjoy the movement. Hey, look, I have tight calves and powerful thighs. You feel how they carry you, these legs. How sexy you are. And you have it back, the good feeling for yourself.
That’s why women like to buy shoes! They want to break new ground with them. New shoes and new ways are sexy.
It also works without the use of the cash card. You are lying on the sofa, thinking of something beautiful, something that makes you feel like it. You stroke the other hand with one hand. You feel the fineness of the skin, age spots are not felt. You close your eyes anyway. And live in you. Pleasant. Sensuality – pling, there she is again. You give yourself, the moment, the happiness of having yourself. Sensual is everything that the senses bring in: hearing, seeing, feeling, tasting, smelling. Sharpen your senses. First for yourself. Touch yourself, but not functional, because you want to massage in body lotion. Touch because you like it. Then let me touch you. Of a very nice music. From feelings that dissolve, that rise.
You have to crave your body
Sensual, sexy, desirable. These are decisions that you can make for yourself. First, your own desire must be there. To desire life, to desire one’s own body. The man as desire – that comes to it. Either the one who is already there. He sniffs the mossy freshness that emanates from you. And he sees your new shoes. When he asks for the prize, you laugh at him. Wrong question. Are not they nice on your leg?
Or it comes a new one. Lured like a heavy hummer from the fully-blown sunflower. The Brummer feels, if you give nectar. The Brummer does not look half as critical as you, the main thing is, your petals are fully stretched. So that he can float in.
Or there is no man, because you do not let every bloody Brummer land with you. Good as well. Then you swing in the sun. Lets the dress with the wind press against your thighs and feel how the fine, the eternal melody of erotic pervades your body, all your cells. Like back when the clothes were much shorter …