Settling a dispute: Ask your counterpart this question

Are you one of the more peaceful contemporaries? Then we have just the thing for you: A question with which you can bring almost any argument to an end.

Arguing is part of interpersonal relationships. Especially if you are close, you have to wiggle every now and then, after all, two people cannot always agree and when feelings are involved, anger, frustration and pain inevitably boil up. In a way, it is even a vote of confidence when we get into a mess with someone and reveal our ugly quarrel – because if we didn't assume that the person loves us anyway and we can get along again, we probably wouldn't (unless we want to scare them off).

Nevertheless, it is not nice to argue, especially since injuries often remain, which can put a long-term strain on the relationship or your own self-worth. If there was a miracle cure that would take a bit of speed and steam out of the heat of the moment, that would definitely be helpful. And maybe there is – or at least a promising mediator.

Anger turns into laughter – thanks to a single question

In the podcast "Supervised feeling" with the psychologist Dr. Leon Windscheid and the comedian and hobby ethicist Atze Schröder, the latter described a dispute from their own experience: a difference of opinion in traffic, a threat of violence and suddenly the question that should end everything:

  • Are you serious?

After the dispute was about to escalate, this question made those involved pause and finally laugh at themselves – and that has a bit of a miracle cure.

Now, of course, Atze Schröder as a thoroughly humorous person is not representative for everyone, just as the dispute situation was certainly a special one. For example, the parties involved were strangers with no common history; H. the conflict was limited to this one moment.

Why can the question settle so well

Nevertheless, even in a "trusting" dispute, for example in a partnership, the question can certainly be a means of shifting down a gear. After all, it is typical of an argument that we say things that are not serious. Stimulated by our emotions, we throw statements around us that we neither mean nor would we ever give if we were cool and clear in our heads. In this state, a question like "Are you serious?" help to find our consciousness again and to determine: "OMG, no way is it!". It can be the lifeline that keeps us from saying something that we regret afterwards.

Admittedly, if we're unlucky, the shot can backfire and make the other person feel like we're not taking it seriously. That's stupid, but in that case we have another word with which we have a good chance of ending an argument. In addition, a person who is basically balanced and solid in his personality should ask themselves "Are you serious?" do not feel attacked or incited. In this respect, we can just try it the next time we verbally exchange blows – and draw our conclusions from the result …