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Sex – how did that go? 4 women about their second first time


The separation from the longtime partner is a while ago, the last sex even more. And then suddenly there is a new man and the anxious question: How will I get in bed? Four women tell.

Today I’m 47, but my thoughts are almost the same: because I’m going to visit someone again. A man I met by chance. First meeting with butterflies. Now he wants to show me his home for a weekend.


Do I still master the game between man and woman at the end of 40?

There is again this crazy tingling. And almost the same great uncertainty as then: Will I do everything right? Am I really that far? To go to bed with a man almost alien to my ex?

No, in a way, I’m even more insecure: When I had sex with my ex-husband for the first time, I was a crisp 27-year-old. But today? Gravity, age and two pregnancies have left their mark. Do I really want to undress in front of someone? And anyway, how was that again with this game between man and woman? Do I still master this after 20 years in a long-term relationship with their practiced rituals? Will I still have – er – fun after so long without any sex at all? Or is this just cramping?

I remember being on the phone all day as a young woman the day before the appointment, and asking girlfriends for advice. That’s exactly what I will do again.

So I ask women in my circle of friends who have their second first time behind, according to their experiences.

Frauke, 49 age:

I was myself overcome by my courage”  
Frauke was married for 25 years. The second first time? One year after the divorce.

“House on the outskirts, two children, a steady job at the city, everything was settled, my husband and I had known each other since school, he was the one I slept with for the first time, our sex was like that after so many years Like the rest of the relationship: boring, every few months it was somehow part of it, but it was not exciting, we did not rejoice – as well as we did not have anything else to talk about and lived totally different lives Child was finished with the school, he moved out.”


My single friends finally persuaded me to go looking

I was curious. And I felt like lust. That I had had sex with only one man so far, I did not dare to tell. Yes, I had some catching up to do. I wanted to know how other men feel, wanted to know how I feel about it.

I signed up to a portal that was clearly all about one thing. And arranged for me. To a glass of wine and more.

I was surprised myself by my courage. Not only did I manage to get involved in another, I found it exciting to try something new. Learned variants that never existed before. I was not as insecure as I thought.

Above all, I dared to speak openly. The guy thought that cute, that he was my “second” and was very understanding and full of ideas. That made it easy.

I met other men, and now I have a friend again.

What matters: talking to one another.

To sense what is good for me and to find out what the other person wants. That’s not so difficult. I think the life experience makes things a lot easier. There is another expectation, not so many self-doubt. Because I know what I like, where I like to be touched. I can enjoy that. And give pleasure. What I advise: address uncertainty. The other will be the same. And take responsibility for your own feelings and needs.

Anne, 55 age:

Anne lived in a solid partnership for 15 years. 
The second first time? Three months after the departure of her partner.

“I had no sex for more than a year, my ex and I lived like brothers and sisters together, and when he left eight years ago, I was sad, but not shocked.

What is said: Happy is who forgets, what can not be changed. Yes, the man was one of my great loves, and of course I thought a lot after going out. What do I really want in life? Do I want to tie myself again?

I did not have to catch up, that was not my first partnership. But my longest, and my ex is the father of my children. There were many compromises, a lot of “relationship work”, and I realized that I did not want that again.

I wanted someone to talk by my side, with whom I can laugh, ride bikes together. But do not share everyday life. Do not contract with someone again. I looked around, but wondered exactly what a newbie should bring. Similar interests, ideally also children, because only fathers can understand, that my two little ones always proceed.


The new does not know my girl body of yesteryear

After two first nice appointments I realized that getting to know each other is not so easy. I did not want anyone who has a different expectation than me. Desperately looking for a new great love, about wanted to start a family again.

I knew what I wanted – and I actually found someone like that. A meeting, a fun evening, and then what happened, just happened. It was great – he did not know me otherwise. He did not compare my female body with my girl body of yesteryear. He did not throw me my kilos, but took me as I am. Men of that age also have minor paint damage, that does not bother me either.

To be honest, I was pleasantly surprised that I was receptive to the new. And could enjoy the moment without self-critical voices. What is important: be clear about your own wishes and needs beforehand. What am I looking for in the other? What do not I want? And just enjoy the time. ”


Nicole, 51 age:

Nicole spent 17 years with her ex-husband. 
The second first time? Six years after the breakup.

“My amply spirited relationship had a very ugly ending.” Sex “It was until the end, and that was rather exhausting, because it was not about my needs, for me it was a rather chore, so it was not already arguing again gave.

After leaving I was alone responsible for my three children and lost my job. A total overload and felt no free minute.

Sex had completely disappeared from my world. But my body totally did not agree with that. At some point there were again very erotic dreams, I saw men, at whose sight a certain desire came.


And suddenly – a rushing feeling

A relationship? No, not that. But finally, I felt like physical closeness again. And met this man at a seminar. It was a self-run, it just happened. I did not have to think. A mix of perfect timing and intellectually fascinating attraction. A rushing feeling. The kissed great, smelled good, and the way he looked at me, I felt sexy and attractive.

Sex can not be unlearned, just like cycling. But this was a difference between an e-bike and a folding bike with a plate. I felt this strange male body. The first surprised me very much – because I was used to such a different physique.

His touches? Different. But that was damn good. He knew exactly what he was doing, and so did I. A pleasurable experience, exactly as it should be. I felt much safer on this second first time. The older I get, the better my body perception. We did not become a couple. But this new desire, I really liked it. My tip: just let it happen. Nothing can be achieved. ”


And what happened to my date?

A few days later I have red ears again. I have not talked so much on the phone for a long time. But sure – now the girlfriends want to hear what it was like, this weekend. I grin. And thank you. The women who were so open to me and helped their tips.

Because I’m floating on clouds, I like to tell. From an intimate embrace, where time stood still and all doubts were gone. The happiness of the moments that we, the great man and I, shared. From closeness and tenderness and a good deal of tingling. Different – yes, that was it. Because experience makes a lot easier and yet many things were surprising: how to kiss!

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