Sex in old age: 5 truths we will have to face at some point

sexologist reveals
5 truths about sex in old age that we will eventually have to face

Sexuality is a lifelong learning process. I’m still learning too. Will it always be the way it was when you were young? That cannot be true simply because the body changes. Arousal is dependent on the blood flow and the vessels, and if they are less elastic, then other stimulation is needed. But if you get involved with the new circumstances, you can continue having sex wonderfully and sometimes even better than before.

Everything stays different

How long we have been in a relationship is often much more important for sex than age. The desire for each other can decrease very early on if there is too much habit. Or a couple has two small children and therefore less sex. There are many changes and many phases in sexuality. And from the age of 50, a time begins for both sexes when something changes hormonally. You might be frightened at first, but you also get used to the new and at some point this phase will be over.

The joint discussion can only be the second step. Because it’s only useful if I’ve made things clear to myself beforehand. When women don’t know what they like and don’t like, they often go along with it anyway, don’t say no when they should – and the sex becomes boring or painful. Every second woman has some kind of pain during sex, and one of the main symptoms of old age is that we no longer get so wet on our own and therefore need longer foreplay or tools such as moisturizers. So: First I feel myself, then it’s about the other person.

We can sort out what’s going on with us when the period stops coming, we go to the gynecologist and hopefully hear: “That’s quite normal.” The first thing men notice when their testosterone levels drop, whether in their mid-30s, 40s or even later, is that the penis isn’t as light and hard. They then begin to doubt themselves and sometimes even avoid sex. But they don’t go to the doctor because it makes them uncomfortable. That’s why the biggest problem for me is that men don’t know. Anyone who knows how the body changes over the course of life will experience aging calmer, more relaxed and happier.

No sex is also a solution

When people are comfortable with not having sex anymore, that’s wonderful. But usually there is a partner who sees things differently. And I’m emphasizing the partner here, because it’s often women in their 50s, 60s or 70s who finally feel their bodies and realize that something is still possible. If your partner is no longer able or willing, then of course it doesn’t go well together at first. What is interesting: On infidelity portals, women are looking for sex and men for emotional experiences. There are many ways a couple can deal with when one gets tired, and none fits all.

Ann Marlene Henning

is a couple and sex therapist, TV presenter and author (most recently “Sex changes everything: Education for advanced users”, Rowohlt). Born in Denmark, she lives in Hamburg.

Bridget