Sexual abuse: “What helped me cope with the trauma”

Sophia was raped
“What helped me to come to terms with the trauma”

This summer it’s four years. Four years since I was raped at an event in town.

For the first six months after that, I didn’t seem to be really there. Self-hatred and suicidal thoughts followed, but one of the worst things was that I couldn’t write anymore. I loved to write from an early age. I had always made up stories, kept a diary, or dreamed of one day being a successful writer.

After my experience, writing, painting and all other creative pursuits were no longer accessible to me. I tried again and again, but I found nothing in me that really wanted to write.

The action is real and it’s not just my story

My book “The same and yet not the same” was created at a time when I had carefully ventured back to writing, bit by bit, sentence by sentence. It had never been my intention to make an entire book out of the idea, let alone publish it. I started the story completely fictitiously: There was a girl who didn’t look like me at all, had a completely different name, had a different family, a different environment, but exactly the same as I had experienced.

Many thoughts and feelings in this book correspond to my experiences and maybe that was the decisive reason to continue writing and to publish it. The action is real and it’s not just my story. So many women and girls still experience similar things. With the book I want to encourage you that life is not over afterwards, that there is always a way and that no one who has experienced it is alone. The book, the story, saved me in a certain way and the hope it gave me I hope to give to others too.

Shame and guilt must not get the upper hand

In addition to writing, it mainly helped me to deal with the topic as openly as possible. It’s incredibly difficult, uncomfortable, and feels like impossible, but I think it’s a very important step to realize that it can’t be a taboo subject. It happens everywhere. Not just rape, but also disrespect, assault, humiliation. Many women are afraid of going home alone in the evening. I don’t know any woman who doesn’t have an unpleasant story up her sleeve. That is exactly why we must not stop talking about it and making the topic public over and over again.

The feeling of shame, which I had very strong, as well as the feelings of guilt, got better the more often and more I talked about it and kept in mind that these things happen, that it is in no way okay, and shame and feelings of guilt not allowed to gain the upper hand. Sexual harassment and assault are unfortunately part of our society and they must no longer be ignored, not even the smallest story. I have often heard the sentence when I have exchanged experiences with other women: “It is not that bad now, but …” But it is bad, no matter what unpleasant experience it may have been. Nothing is more harmless or less worth mentioning. And even if it is as painful and uncomfortable as it was and still is for me, it actually helped me to share the suffering with others and to open up.