should a gift be given to the brother or sister of the child who is celebrating it?

This is a divisive subject that divides dads and moms. It has been the subject of heated forums in the press around the world and has shaken the keyboards of many parents on Parenting forums. Our colleagues across the Atlantic even gave it a name: “Unbirthday gift” Or Sibling gift rule. What is this practice? If we celebrate a child’s birthday and the child has brothers or sisters, we will then offer gifts to all of the siblings, and not just to the one whose special day it is.

The parents who perpetuate this tradition of “unbirthday gift” – “non-birthday gift” in French – say they want avoiding certain “negative” feelings” in their brats: they do not want them to feel jealousy, resentment or sadness. However, protecting one’s offspring from certain emotions is a form of overprotection ; and we have seen it with helicopter parents: overprotecting the child is not not necessarily balanced for its development.

Giving a gift to the child whose birthday it is does not prepare him for adult life

In the columns of Daily Mail UKRichard Woolfson, clinical psychologist specializing in childhood, explains: “We are so overprotective that we try to shield our children from all the difficult experiences and emotions (…) This even goes so far as not letting them watch their sibling being pampered.”

According to him, giving gifts to the brother and/or sister of the child who is celebrating his birthday is therefore not the best idea: it can indeed prevent it from developing “resilience it needs to face the inevitable challenges of life.” The practice of “unbirthday gift” thus hinders his preparation for adult life.

To avoid this feeling of exclusion, he advocates insteadexplain things up front to the one whose birthday it is not, with a sentence as follows: “I realize it can be hard to see your sister getting lots of attention and beautiful things, but when it’s your birthday, it will be your turn.”

The risk of raising a spoiled (rotten) child

beyond being overprotectedthe child may also end up being “too spoiled”. At least that’s what parents who are opposed to the practice think. Some parents who have practiced it can confirm this. A mother thus told English journalists that her children, accustomed to being offered things regularlyended with no longer be satisfied with gifts they received on their brother’s birthday.

One day, one of them even burst into tears because he had not received as many gifts as his brother. The practice, intended to avoid negative feelings originally, ended up multiply them in the end. She also remembers that her offspring demanded that we offer them more and more expensive objects even when it was not their party; a kind of vicious circle which can therefore favor theself-centeredness some toddlers…

It is for this reason that many specialists recommend rather to involve them in the preparations from the birthday of their brother and/or sister, to the choice of the gift. By involving them in this way, the parents show them that they are still just as important and that they are now taking on a new role in the family (role of elder, for example).

Do not offer a gift to the brother or the sister who celebrates it: an apprenticeship in altruism

Do not offer a gift to the brother or sister of someone celebrating their birthday teaches him to celebrate the happiness and victories of othersto be altruistic and turned towards others rather than self-centered. By not receiving gifts while his brother is covered in them, he normalizes the fact that some days are reserved for others, that he is not the only one who can shine, that all the moments are not systematically his. destined and that the world does not revolve around him.

Open-minded and in love with life, Emilie likes to decipher the new phenomena that shape society and relationships today. Her passion for the human being motivates her to write…