In recent years, a new trend has emerged in dating, especially among Millennials and Generation Z. More and more of them are looking for a partner through activism. This phenomenon now has a name: "advodating".
On dating apps, young people are now looking for a partner who shares the same beliefs and values as them. In 2020, more than 340,000 people on the OkCupid dating site said they saw themselves as activists – and young women are leading this trend. 48% of Generation Z women and 41% of Millennials say they are activists. This trend is called "advodating" (contraction ofadvocate (defender) and dating) and is only expected to increase in 2021, according to the application.
What exactly is advodating?
This growing phenomenon sees younger generations dating people who champion the same social and political causes as themselves. If finding love through activism has been around for years – like Kamala Harris' parents, who met through black activism in the 1960s – advodating should be one of the most major dating trends in 2021. "From our correspondence questions, we know that over 460,000 people on OkCupid consider themselves activists and are looking for people with similar values.", explains Michael Kaye, communications manager at OkCupid. “Over the years, we have found that daters, especially young women, care more and more about what their partner thinks about major political and social issues, and our users in France are no exception”, he analyzes. More than 20,000 OkCupid users in France added the #BlackLivesMatter badge to their profiles, and more than 40,000 French users were unable to meet anyone with opposing political views. Same observation on Tinder, which unveiled its report “Year in Swipe” of the most popular subjects in France for the last twelve months. Support for the Black Lives Matter movement has been the major cause of 2020 for Gen Z. The raised fist emoji has quadrupled in bios, while some did not hesitate to write "Swipe left if you don't support not BLM ”.
Climate marches, demonstrations against police violence, feminism … If young people are wary of politics, they are now engaging in other ways, influenced in particular by the importance of social networks. Juliette Raynaud, a discourse specialist who analyzes social representations of gender in contemporary societies, explains: “Today's political commitment goes well beyond political party membership. The struggles against global warming, against exclusion, for equality gaining ground, politics is no longer (only) politician, it is also citizen engagement and vision of the world. It is in everyday life, in everyday interactions, that this vision of the world is embodied and that this commitment is measured ".
Activism, a new criterion of seduction?
"I make a big difference between my deep values and my political opinion", confides Élisabeth, 27 years old. “Feminist, LGBTQ + and anti-racist causes are essential criteria for me. When I started dating my husband, I found his twitter account and read everything he put on. Creepy, I know. But I quickly realized that he was posting pro-feminist messages and persisting against trolls to defend trans YouTubers ", she tells us. Eva, 23, met her girlfriend during a counter-demonstration against the Manif pour Tous. “It happened in a very natural way, we traded our numbers and then had a drink a few days later. It's true that I liked the fact that she stood up for her rights and her beliefs ", recognizes the young woman. No better to be sure the person is on the same page, she says.
According to a 2017 IFOP poll, three quarters of people in a relationship say they are on the same political side as their spouse, and this convergence already existed for 85% of them before they got together. "Politics are part of ordinary exchanges, the questions of daily life, whether in the form of disputes or reassurance, collusion or conflict. Someone who has convictions is always more attractive, right? ", comments Juliette Raynaud, when asked about the appeal of engagement. "But it can also be frightening, because it signs a strength of character which does not always befitting convenience, social expectations", she adds. If the phenomenon has always existed, "It didn't always matter", specifies Juliette Raynaud, recalling moreover that the "Politics has long been the prerogative of men – white, bourgeois". It develops: “I am thinking of the 1968 slogan 'The private is political': women emancipating themselves and asserting themselves as free and autonomous subjects, non-binarism and intersectionality gaining ground, the climate emergency making itself heard, the phenomenon is growing and accelerating the politicization of the private and everyday life. " Romantic intimacy is full of "Values embedded in the body and the heart through which we decipher and understand the surrounding world", in the words of political scientist Anne Muxel, author of You, me and politics: love and convictions.
From advodating to wokefishing, there is only one step
In June 2020, an article in Refinery29 written by an anonymous who recounted going to his first dated at a protest Black Lives Matter came under heavy criticism on social media. The website later removed the article, saying the shared story was "callous and in bad taste." If the dates demonstrations are multiplying, they are far from unanimous, and some raise ethical questions. "I would tend to be wary if someone I don't know offers to go on a 'demo date', says Ophélie, 25. "Likewise, as a black woman, I don't necessarily want people to come and talk to me about Black Lives Matter or put a raised fist emoji on Tinder, without having anything request. What interests me is: what does the person do to combat racism? Is she educating herself? Does she take her racist uncle back to dinner? ". On Twitter, several Internet users are protesting against the fact that "Black Lives Matter" is categorized as a "center of interest" on the Tinder dating apps. "Black Lives Matter is not a hobbyist", annoys a young woman.
From advodating to wokefishing, there is sometimes just one step. Coined by British journalist Serena Smith, this term describes a situation in which a person presents themselves as progressive, anti-racist, feminist, committed, etc., when they are not. "My ex said to himself 'woke' and repeated my feminist ideas but never did the cooking, the housework, criticized me for taking medication for my mental health because it lowered my libido, and a lot of other things. that I do not find horribly correct ", confides Aurore, 33 years old. At the moment, she is dating a man who doesn't necessarily share the same values as her, but with whom she can debate. "Sometimes it's stormy, sometimes it's not. Often, we end up completely agreeing on the basics. But the other day he left my house with Butler's 'Gender Trouble' and Wittig's 'Straight Thinking' because he was interested in reading my references. " For Michael Kaye, "There is always a risk that someone will lie on a dating app". "But the more you talk (by message, phone, or video chat during lockdown), the more likely his real 'him' will be revealed."
According to OkCupid's investigation into the future of dating, while conversations around politics have been on the rise lately, only time will tell if they will (too) be a deal breaker for couples.