Shy? The 3-second rule is the secret of quick-witted women

Shy?
The 3-second rule is the secret of quick-witted women

“Oh Hasi, we can do that better, right?”

Have you ever caught your male colleagues doing a sentence like this? And you boil with rage as you blush, but only stammer “oh, yes, you are probably right”?

Unfortunately, we encounter them again and again in everyday life. Some would simply call them idiots, others see through them and call them “dirty tricksters”. This includes Claudia Berghaus, who as an editor and director has long been a victim of nasty slogans. Until she started to fight back. Now she has published a book to help women (and everyone else) be more quick-witted.

In fact, experience has shown that it is often the male bosses who treat us with nicknames and derogatory remarks. However, dirty tricks can affect anyone, regardless of gender, age or origin. Dirty tricks mean “behaviors and rhetorical strategies that are intended to intimidate and manipulate the other person”, says Berghaus.

The 3-second rule against dirty tricks

And how do I recognize them? “An example: You are sitting in a conference and present an idea. And then the line manager immediately says ‘it doesn’t work anyway’.” Indeed, most of us are familiar with such situations. “These are classic killer phrases. The dirty trick behind them is: I block, I block,” explains Berghus. That we would like to hide our heads between our arms is just as natural as wanting to go to the ceiling – but unfortunately neither is particularly helpful. Better: use the 3-second rule.

The author is happy to explain the tactic to us, because it is also intended to help shy people become more quick-witted. So how does the 3-second rule work, Ms. Berghaus? “Inside I count 21, 22, 23 and resist the impulse to react the same way.” You shouldn’t say anything for three seconds. During this time, you can take a short breath and then ask a counter-question without being belittled. So it’s all about time management.

Even shy people can be quick-witted!

In her book, the Germanist presents numerous ways in which we react to dirty tricks and what we can say after the said three seconds. One of them: “Paraphrase the sentence and turn the question around. One asks, for example: Oh well … and what would we have to do to make it work?” Explains Claudia Berghaus. The emphasis would also be very much on the emphasis – the 3-second rule also gives our vocal cords a little break so as not to fall into a squeaky excitement.

Incidentally, the book was created from rhetoric seminars by the author and communication trainer and is itself a small workshop. It should help to see through dirty tricks and to react to them in a relaxed manner.

Instead of compiling a simple list of methods and guiding principles, Berghaus guides you through the reading using good examples. They are so absurd and lifelike at the same time that you have to smile more often. Ultimately, however, the book also helps by knowing that we are all in the same boat – and the next time a dirty trickster tries to drown us with a nasty saying, we already have the right putty tools in hand.

Dirty Tricks, Goldegg Verlag, 19 euros

mjd