Single, Audrey Page used assisted reproduction to have a baby

In her book "Allers-retour pour un bébé", published by Albin Michel, Audrey Page, single and in her forties, recounts her journey to become a mother.

At 42 years old, Audrey Page is a mother of a little Georgia, 9 months old and born by PMA. This child’s conception story began in 2014. Single at 35, Audrey realized the severity of the biological clock and decided to have her oocytes vitrified in Spain. This followed a real obstacle course to access motherhood, which she recounts in her book "Allers-retour pour un bébé", published by Albin Michel editions on September 17.

Through her writings, Audrey Page breaks the taboo around single women, approaching 40 and wanting to have children. She introduces us to a different motherhood, at a time when couples come and go, when families are reunited and where women have children later and later. More importantly, she warns about "the myth of fertility until the end of her life" and the lack of information given to women about their own body clock. Interview.

When you announced that you wanted to embark on a MAP (medically assisted procreation) project on your own, were you confronted with the incomprehension, the judgment of certain people?
Audrey Page: "I'm in a very open environment so overall people were very happy for me and encouraged me in this decision. But I was also confronted with some remarks such as: 'It's because you put your career forward', 'It's because you took advantage too much', 'How is it that a woman like you can't keep a man? '. These are sentences and questions that are very difficult to hear because they put us in a sense of failure, when we know that as a couple, it is not that simple. Just like accessing motherhood. Mentalities must change. Besides, I can't hear people say to me 'you scare men' anymore. Already wrong, and men are not little scary things just like that. It is an old legacy of patriarchy to believe that women should be a little submissive and that if they are not, then men must be afraid. "

Didn't you feel a sense of injustice when you discovered the severity of the body clock in women?
A.P: "After 35 years, we no longer have the same temporality as men. We don't have a lot of time while they have plenty of time. This is indeed very unfair because it creates a balance of power between men and women, even though they do not want to exercise it. We're just not made up the same way. We have a biological clock which means that at 40-42 years of age we become infertile. Whereas men do not have this ax. Their fertility is decreasing, yes, but very slowly. Women wishing to have children must therefore always deal between their desire for motherhood and their love life. "

Do you think women need to be more informed about the body clock?
A.P: " It's essential. We must stop the myth of fertility until the end of his life, which is mainly conveyed by celebrities. Some say they got pregnant with the snap of a finger at 45, and that is not true. I'm sure many of them have used egg donation and they don't say it because they equate infertility with old age. This is serious, because at 40 we are not old, but also because not to say it is to lie to the younger generations. Women between the ages of 20 and 30 are not at all aware that from the age of 45 it is almost impossible to have a child with its own gametes and that from the age of 35 fertility decreases abysmally. Me, no one told me. I discovered it the hard way. "

On your side, you have had recourse to egg donation. Was this decision complicated to make?
A.P: “I was 40 and had two failures with my own oocytes. My chances of success were reduced to 10%, a number far too low compared to the effort that such a procedure requires. I didn't want to take the risk of getting sick, physically or mentally, when I was about to have a child on my own. So when I was told about egg donation, there was this whole intellectual process. Then, what particularly helped me in making this difficult decision was the fact that I felt extremely close to the children of my ex-companions. I realized that you can have immense love for a child who does not have the same genes as us at all. "

The IVFs, the back and forths, the failures … wasn't it too hard to go through on my own?
A.P: "No, because I never felt like I was alone. I was very surrounded by my relatives. I thought it was even more beautiful because we were really a team. Being sentimentally alone was also easier to handle the situation because I was not faced with the other's fears and doubts. "

And if we had to do it again ?
A.P: “I would do the exact same thing, but sooner, to have lots of kids. I think I would make the decision immediately after my first breakup, it would have saved me a lot of emotional disappointments. To all women younger than me and like that, I have just one thing to say: don't ask yourself questions and go for it. "

You often mention a loving family, do you sometimes have to deconstruct the pattern of the "traditional" family in order to access motherhood?
A.P: “The pattern of the 'traditional' family remains very important. Fortunately, not all women will have children on their own. On the other hand, I think we can also do things differently, in a different order. Rather than sitting on the desire for motherhood and suffering, you can have a child alone and then meet someone. We are the first generation to be able to do that, to have the ability to make that choice, and it’s wonderful. Being able to control your fertility also means empowering yourself as a woman. "

What are your biggest fears about single parenthood?
A.P: “I have no worries about the logistics or the absence of a father. You only feel absence when there has been a presence. In addition, my daughter is very surrounded. The immense pitfall and danger is fusion, being a couple with your child. It is dangerous for her and for me. The child must be left his universe and the parent must also regain his individuality. "

Are you going to tell him about your journey?
A.P: "I'm not going to hide the way she was designed from her. Besides, I'm already talking to him about it. I explain it to her in my own words, I'm not going to wait for her to find out from the book. Its design story is nothing to be ashamed of, on the contrary it is very unusual and very beautiful. "

Read also:

PMA for all: "It pierces your heart to hear that the child will grow up badly because he does not have a daddy"

After years of suffering, I won my fight against endometriosis

Marion, mother of twins thanks to assisted reproduction in Spain

Video by mylene.wascowiski