Single on Valentine’s Day? Test the “consider date” (or how to calmly approach romantic encounters)

Every year, around Valentine’s Day, many single people suffer from a feeling of anxiety at the idea of ​​spending this holiday alone. And for good reason, February 14 is a day when single people feel even more pressure from couples, relationships and romantic encounters. According to a new study conducted by the dating app Bumble, almost half of French people (49%) feel more embarrassed about being single as Valentine’s Day approaches. But how can we better understand this event, while avoiding the pitfalls and fears linked to dating?

According to Aurore Malet-Karas, doctor of neuroscience, couples therapist and sexologist, the ideal solution could be to put yourself on a “consider date”. As she explains to us, it’s a more honest and qualitative approach to dating, which puts mental health at the forefront.

“People are tired of dating and dating apps”

“People are more and more tired of dating, they have had a lot of experiences that have left them burned,” first notes the specialist. “The fun aspect of dating applications, which have seen real growth since the Covid-19 crisis, has tired them. It’s something stressful and tiring because of the fear of rejection, the fear of wasting time and the fear that things will go wrong”she analyzes.

The frenzy of the beginnings and discovery of dating applications seems to have passed, people now want to have healthier and more authentic encounters. Indeed, according to the study conducted by Bumble, almost 1 in 3 people (31%) today practice “slow-dating”, a more considered approach which favors the quality rather than the quantity of romantic encounters. It is this tendency that the therapist calls the “consider date”.

Communication, connection and mental health

Today more than ever, singles no longer want to go on dates and prefer to create real emotional connections with open and sincere communication. “There is now respect for oneself and others. People need to spend quality time, take their time and let the relationship develop,” confirms Aurore Malet-Karas. “We are returning to something more considered, more human.”

Beyond adopting a more thoughtful and deep approach to relationships, people especially seem to want to put their mental health, but also that of others, at the heart of romantic encounters. A trend that dates from the pandemic, according to the expert. “We saw and took into account mental health problems during this period”she assures. “Today, well-being and self-preservation are considered precious and essential”, she adds. Among the younger generations, in particular, these questions are no longer taboo at all. On the contrary, taking care of yourself, talking openly about your problems or even being followed by a psychologist, “are things that are truly valued”observes the doctor in neuroscience.

Down with injunctions!

Considering mental health as a primary concern when it comes to dating induces a certain letting go. Singles no longer try to be perfect. “They are fed up with always having to live up to the expectations of others”, remarks the sexologist, who evokes a certain weariness in the face of “betterment burnout”. According to her, it is a matter of mental exhaustion in the face of injunctions linked to personal development, a subject which has largely become established in our society (especially among singles).

“You have to perform well at all levels of your life and constantly seek to improve”she declares. “But no one is perfect! What people want is authenticity”she says. “They don’t want a fake plastic window”. In this case, showing your true self during a romantic date is “a very good thing”. “We have real encounters, which are not artificial”concludes Aurore Malet-Karas. “Above all, you save a lot of time being yourself”.

Section head Society / Psychology / Couple /

Rights of women and children, violence, feminism, gender, discrimination, parenthood, education, psychology, health, sexuality…. Joséphine loves deciphering all the social issues that drive our world today. She you …