We all want children who behave socially, who are compassionate and who like to take care of others. And that's a good thing – because these qualities ensure that they are happier later as adults. They will have better relationships with other people, and since we are basically herd animals, it will make them happier and more successful in life.
Sounds wonderful! But how do you do that?
Educational scientists from the prestigious Harvard University in the United States have found out what parents should consider when raising children to promote their children's social behavior. They have put together five recommendations for the "Making Caring Common" project. You will probably intuitively get a lot of it right.
1. Spends time together intensively
Sure, we do it all the time anyway. But often this time is filled with everyone busy with their own stuff. For example: The child is sitting in the sandpit and mom is looking at the cell phone. Or the child paints and Papa clears out the dishwasher. That has to be the case, but we should also take the time to really get involved with the child without distraction.
These can be beloved rituals, such as reading aloud in the evening, group excursions or games that you play together. According to the educational researchers, this shows that you respect the child and that it is important to you – and so the children learn from us. "When our children feel loved, they feel connected to us. And this connection makes them more open to our values and the things we teach them.
2. Has deep conversations
We talk all day, but rarely do these conversations really go deep. Where our feelings, desires, worries and fears are. But this is important, also when dealing with the children. Are you interested in how the child is doing, what he is busy with. Often you come up with topics that you didn't expect and that bring you closer together as a family.
If your child belongs to the rather silent kind, these questions can start a conversation: "What did you experience today? What did you experience stupid today?" "Did someone do something nice for you today? Did you do something nice?" You can find more such questions here.
3. Be strong, social role models
Okay, that sounds like the old grouch that annoys us because we go red at the traffic lights. But every now and then we should remember that we are the people that children are most oriented towards. The way we deal with relatives and friends, whether we get involved in the neighborhood, whether we help the curmudgeon (although he complains) to do his shopping – all of this is perceived by our children and shapes their own social behavior.
4. Stand by your mistakes
This is also an exemplary quality that not many can do well. But social competence has a lot to do with honesty and respect. And someone who can say "You, I'm sorry that I pissed you off earlier. That was not appropriate" not only shows respect for the other, but is also more respected by the other.
5. Make your children responsible
It's basically no different with social skills than with English vocabulary. You need to be practiced. The Harvard researchers therefore recommend that children be given additional opportunities to take responsibility and help others. These can be household chores that are important for family life. Or the task of helping siblings or other relatives. Family conferences are also recommended: "Children practice solving family problems such as quarrels between siblings, the stress of getting ready in the morning, or having uneasy meals." By listening to and taking their opinions seriously, they feel respected and learn to be considerate of others' needs.
You can find even more helpful educational tips on the page of the "Making Caring Common" project.