Friendship is not a matter of luck. But why are some children immediately the star of every group, while others simply cannot make friends? Ten tips to make it easier for your child to socialize and keep them.
1. Approach each other
This is the first step in making friends. If your child is reluctant or insecure, make suggestions about how to socialize. "You could ask if Anna would like to play badminton with you. Or if she's read the new Harry Potter." Provide play material that promotes speaking skills: grocery store, things to dress up for role play, board games.
2. Empathy
In order to empathize with others, children need a good sense of self-worth and a lot of self-confidence. Make your child aware of their social skills so they can feel that they are empathetic, helpful, considerate. "I like that you take turns with Niklas at the train game." "It's great how you help each other clean up." "It is brave of you to stand by Antonia when she is annoyed."
3. Honesty
That is the basis of every friendship. You don't always have to agree, but you need to know how to honestly represent your point of view and your views without offending the other. This balancing act takes a lot of practice. Show your child how to discuss, argue and negotiate in an open, fair and humorous way.
4. Fairness
Fairness also needs training, but that's not that difficult if you follow these rules: no swear words and insults. Do not beat. Everyone can say what's on his mind without being interrupted. Preferably in I-messages. If something is unclear, you have to ask in order to avoid misunderstandings and incorrect interpretations. If you still cannot find a solution, the world will not end. You can still be friends.
5. Give in
Zoff cannot always be avoided in childhood friendships. Girls in particular sometimes seem to want to savor all the nuances of a relationship along the lines of "I hate Lisa" – "Lisa is my very best friend" – "I hate her". Hild in arguments to look at the matter from the perspective of the boyfriend or girlfriend, and make it clear that it is often better to give in than to lose a friend.
6. Solidarity
Friends stick together – show that you are stronger, faster and more resourceful together, for example when pulling the rope, cleaning up, looking for something lost, collecting mushrooms. Assign small tasks to friends together ("You can set the table"). Promote team spirit instead of rivalries. Children who are good team players are almost always good friends too. Children learn team skills best through regular sport or artistic group activities. Class trips with the school or – for slightly older children – organized trips for children and young people are a good opportunity to acquire or further develop such social skills.
7. Compatibility
Children often deal with up to 30 conflicts a day, but no friendship can cope with getting caught up in every little thing. Compatibility can be practiced a bit by using hand or finger puppets for role-playing games that convey the rules of friendly cooperation: listening, taking turns, giving in.
8. Listening
If you can listen, you will find it easier to make contact and gain trust. To listen well means to be attentive enough to repeat what has been said and to make an effort to perceive and relate to what has been said. Show how it's done and sometimes ask: "What do you mean?" "What do you think your friend thinks of you now?"
9. Confidentiality
Trust is the basis of friendship, so cheating is not possible. Real friends don't let each other down, but they don't have to find everything right that the other does. If a friend is in danger or intends to "screw up" parents or other responsible adults must be notified. Bad "secrets" include theft, risky games, alcohol and drugs, prohibited video and computer games, prohibited websites, and all forms of violence.
10. Keep in touch
Help your child stay in touch after moving house or changing school with visits, email, phone or Skype. It comforts when a friendship has broken up. When children feel that they are not alone, they will emerge stronger from this grief and will soon make new friends.
This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.