It’s not easy to find enough time for friends between work, family, everyday life, partner, hobbies, etc. The 5-3-1 rule can help you not to lose contact with each other.
As a teenager, you would call each other, hop on your bike and go to your friends’ house to pass the time and the boredom together. Later, we would sit in smoky shared kitchens late into the night, philosophizing about life and love. We didn’t care if we had to get up early in the morning. Then came partners, a career, children, and as the mountain of to-dos in our everyday lives grew, our free time shrank and, as the years went by, our energy levels also shrank on some days. Seeing each other suddenly became a lot of effort. Finding a time? A nightmare. Spontaneity? Difficult to impossible. But what can you do to avoid losing each other?
Difficulties that most of us are familiar with, but which many more people are dealing with since the pandemic, and which have particularly affected introverted people during this time. It is therefore no coincidence that loneliness is a major issue of our time, which has a decisive influence not only on our mental health, but also on our physical health.
Tips that help introverts – and everyone else too
Social scientist Kasley Killam, author of the book “The Art and Science of Connection”, has an idea of how to solve the dilemma. She describes herself as an introvert, she likes to be alone or spend time with her partner. In order to get back in touch with others, she needed a routine, a kind of roadmap that she could follow. To do this, she examined the relationships of people who were in much more contact with others and had deeper relationships than she did, because she is certain:
“We need to be mindful of relationships, just like we are with exercise and healthy eating,” Killiam explains. Just like lack of sleep or too little exercise, avoiding meaningful social interactions can lead to negative health consequences, such as increased mortality rates.
However, since the author herself finds it difficult to integrate social interactions into her life, simply because of her introverted personality structure, she developed the 5-3-1 rule. A structure that is particularly helpful for introverted people, but can also be adapted, especially in phases of life when you have the feeling of being alone and losing your friendships.
The 5-3-1 rule for introverts
- Spend time with five people per week. These can be different people; friends, family, neighbors, colleagues. There are no limits to the “how”, whether it is an extended meeting over coffee and cake, a walk, a short chat at the garden fence with acquaintances or expanding the social network through a new hobby, for example; all of this falls into this category.
- Maintain three close social relationships: In her research on socially happy people in different cultures, the author found that three close relationships had a significant impact on well-being in a wide variety of cultures. For Killiam, these are the people you would list as an emergency contact, for example.
- A golden hour of the day: According to the author, it is important to have an hour of social interaction that feels meaningful and beneficial. “It doesn’t have to be all at once,” says Killam. “It can also be ten minutes here and ten minutes there.”
Does it all sound pretty theoretical?
In a way, it is. Some people may think that they already do this every day without any problems. But others find it particularly difficult to maintain friendships or interact with others for various reasons. Introverted people in particular are often self-sufficient and need social contacts in small doses. However, if the desire is to interact more with other people or perhaps even build new friendships, plans and routines such as the 5-3-1 rule can help and provide orientation. Here, too, it is often a question of habit. Everyone can find out for themselves whether this option is right for them. No one should feel pressured by this, but if loneliness is an issue, this method could be a help in strengthening one’s own “social health”.
Source: Business Insider, instagram/kasleykilliam