Reader Mira wonders
Softie Alert! What's the matter with the men?
© NDAB Creativity (symbol photo) / Shutterstock
BRIGITTE.de reader Mira * (43) is fed up with it: The men she meets cling to her like little children. A settlement.
Where have they gone, the real guys, where is the stronger sex? Are there only men left who yearn for motherly arms? Who want to lean on instead of offering their shoulder? Who develop back into children and hang on to our skirts? That take the air we breathe? For the third time in a row it happened to me that the knight in shining armor turned out to be a softie wrapped in aluminum foil within a short time.
I don't need a breadwinner – I need a man for love
I am a strong woman. I am financially independent, raise my children alone, get along well as a single and want a man for my heart. A man with whom I can lean, who is empathetic and with whom I can have good, deep conversations. Oh yes, good sex is one of them.
At the beginning of a relationship, actually before things get serious, I clearly state my ideas. I want a man for love, no breadwinner, no surrogate father and no 24/7 relationship. “Wonderful!” Is the first reaction. "I also need my freedom, I have a time-consuming job, I have hobbies and friends, that fits perfectly!"
He doesn't want to leave because of all the love
This arrangement works fine too – for weeks, maybe even months. Then the creeping process of change begins. His things in my house keep growing. Slowly, unobtrusively, part by part. The toothbrush, some spare clothes, on and on.
If he snuggles up to me on the sofa and beams at me like a honey cake horse, he loses all sex appeal
His presence is also increasing. Out of love, he would love to stay with me every day. It's so nice to wake up next to me. Hobbies? Meet friends? Nothing. Doing sports alone? Just a very small round so as not to be gone too long.
What's going on there? I feel passed over. Where did I misunderstand myself? I feel suffocated and can no longer breathe. Time for me? Not a minute. When the knight in aluminum foil cuddles up to me on the sofa like my children when they were toddlers and beams at me like a honey cake horse, then at the latest he has lost all sex appeal for me!
Am I asking too much? Looks like it
Am I asking too much? Am i ungrateful Yes, says my best friend. We women are complicated, we should be happy when someone loves us so much. Men over a certain age would usually have been "hit by fate" and thereby lost their self-confidence. A strong woman like me offers the prospect of healing. But only when they can be sure not to lose the woman anymore, only then could these men regain their self-confidence and become true knights. A bit of understanding and patience on our part would be required. Moving at a distance would only create more fear of loss and lead to even more braces. So please fondle and pat. I see, today women save men.
Dear knights and everyone who would like to be: Yes, we women can be complicated, demanding and full of contradicting expectations. But please: take care of your wounds yourself before you start a new relationship. Find your center and become men again!
* The author: Mira (name changed) is 43 years old and lives in the country with her two daughters and two cats. The mountains and traveling are her passion. As a naturopath and coach, she accompanies people on their diverse paths.