“Mom, you’re annoying!”
Why we always remain our mothers’ daughters
© Oliver Rossi / Getty Images
She is the woman we love most right from the start – and who still upsets us most often throughout our lives. Our author is sorry that she sometimes behaves like a teenager to her mother. Still, she can’t help it.
by Viola Kaiser
I was a terrible teenager, my parents had a tough time with me. Not only did I start really early with alcohol, cigarettes, and parties, I also went through a period where I developed a penchant for horrible hair colors and weird guys. At the time I didn’t understand why that bothered my parents. I found them narrow-minded and authoritarian. Of course I loved her anyway. But I guess that’s the case with most teenagers.
After I was around 16 or 17, our relationship relaxed significantly. Somehow I realized then, at least to some extent, that they only meant well with me. From then on we argued less. When I moved out at 19, we reached a new dimension in good relationships. Nevertheless, my mother in particular often gets on my nerves more than anyone else. That is certainly also the case because I am similar to her. But above all, it’s because she’s my mother, I’m sure of that. For example, it annoys me when she says: “You look so pale. Do you sleep enough?” Then I react slightly aggressively every time. “I have two small children, of course I don’t sleep enough,” I answer irritably.
I also always moan very loudly and roll my eyes when she asks me for 100,000 times in a row whether I’m really not working too much (I don’t work very much). Or if she questions again whether the children are actually not allowed to have four ice creams in a row (I have a high tolerance for sugar, but two ice creams just have to be enough). Or when she complains for hours and suffering about the weather, even though it doesn’t work at all (she has a tendency to look for the problem rather than the solution). It’s banalities that upset me. Often also statements or characteristics in which I recognize myself. Yes, these are probably the worst. It’s petty of me that I can’t be much more generous with her, but that I regularly fall into my teenage tone when I talk to her. I know all that, but I can’t get out of this role.
Mothers are only human too
Whenever I was too strict with my mother again, I feel sorry for it afterwards. Then I write her a message via Whatsapp after visiting her, saying that it was nice with her and thank you because she put so much effort into it. She always replies the same – that she loves us all and that we should come back soon. That wasn’t always the case, of course. She used to poison back quite a bit, she was never particularly patient, she rarely had time to really play with us. She once cut our hair very short because we made such a fuss about washing the long manes that she got fed up. My mother was cool, not perfect, but she did her best, I know that.
So much the worse that I can never quite get out of my role as a daughter. Because I now know one more thing from my own experience: Mothers are only human. I often think of mine when I yell at my daughters for making nonsense when I let them watch TV so I can hang up laundry for ten minutes if I don’t have the patience to go to the nursery for the tenth time because one of the girls doesn’t want to sleep yet. She once had all of that with us.
Above all, however, I think of my mother when one of my children has behaved completely wrong again or is wrong in tone and remorsefully “Sorry, Mom!” says. This is how my mother has to feel sometimes when I send her a WhatsApp message. Fortunately, I now also know that you don’t love your children less because they freak out or complain or are annoyed. That’s reassuring.
I once read that the best compliment you can give your mother is: “You are the best mother you could be”. I agree. And now I have to stop, because I have to call my mother again quickly …