Soulmate
Are you soulmates?
© fizkes / Adobe Stock
Almost every person dreams of the idea that there is a soul mate for them. Is this realistic? A couples therapist provides answers.
The idea of one Soulmate meeting sounds like the glorious stuff of romantic films. Does soul mateship also exist in real life? How do you recognize a soul mate? And how does it feel? soul love?
What is a soul mate?
A soul mate is a person who… lasting impact on your life has. This person is a fellow traveler on the expedition of a lifetime. You need each other to grow beyond the boundaries of your individual selves. A soul mate does not necessarily have to be a romantic partner. The main idea in a relationship between soul mates is that the needs equally satisfied become. Your interactions with one another should challenge you to move from selfishness to giving.
How do soul mates behave?
To find your soul mate, you must first understand that humans are not meant to be alone and that the purpose of a relationship is not just to satisfy our individual needs, but rather to satisfy us to challenge, grow and help our soul mates reach their potential. Love is not given to us because we believe we deserve it. We must work to be loving – then we will receive love.
How do I recognize my soul mate?
The important things first: There is no perfect age or stage in life to find your soul mate. Everything in life is a matter of timing. When you understand that a relationship is not about control or the simple need for fulfillment, but that a soul mate is essential to your psychological and spiritual development, then you are open to meeting your soul mate.
Signs that you have found your soul mate
- Intuition: There is no test to determine if you have found your soulmate. You have to feel in your gut that this person is right for you.
- Empathy: When you see that your soul mate is angry, you are sad and conversely, you are happy when he/she is happy. No one is prouder of your soulmate than you and when he/she is successful, nothing makes you happier.
- Respect: Soul mateship is nothing without respect. Your soul mate should be interested in your feelings and ideas – and not write them off. He/she should appreciate you, love you and always treat you well.
- Balance: You don’t have to be a copy of each other to be a soulmate. You two can have different temperaments, interests, and backgrounds and still be meant for each other. The key is how you both relate to each other as different people.
- Challenge: Your soul mate should bring out the best in you and that means he/she pushes you to become the best you can be. Soul partners motivate each other to achieve their respective goals and provide the necessary impetus to support each other in their personal development.
- Trust: It’s normal to be jealous sometimes. Nevertheless, you manage to trust your soul mate completely.
- read minds: You feel like you know each other inside out and you feel like you can read each other’s minds. Maybe you just know your facial expressions so well that you can immediately understand what the other person is thinking.
Expert interview: Does a soul mate really exist?
Dr. Sandra Konrad is a qualified psychologist and has been working as a systemic individual, couple and family therapist in Hamburg since 2001. She also writes books. In her guide “Making Love – How Relationships Really Work,” she answers many questions about love and relationships.
BRIGITTE: Do you believe in the idea of a soul mate?
Sandra Konrad: I believe in the idea of a partner who touches my soul – at least every now and then. The common concept of soulmates is too exaggerated for me and in reality often leads to disappointment. Those who seek magical, deep, unique connections everywhere often cannot stand what separates them. But even the best and most intimate couple is not always “one”. In general, different needs are not a catastrophe, but an opportunity to get closer and understand each other better.
Why are so many people attached to this idea?
Because it’s romantic. Because it makes the other person and the relationship very special. Especially in the beginning, we often have the feeling that we have never been so close to someone before. To have never been understood like this. To have never loved or been loved like this. Over time, one or two disappointments inevitably follow: the other person has rough edges. He doesn’t feel or think the same way I do. If we manage to deal with this disappointment, the dream partner can transform into a life partner.
How do soulmates and relationships depend? narcissism together?
You often recognize yourself in your soulmate and therefore feel close – you love yourself in the other person. But if the other person has peculiarities that do not fit into our ideal, a narcissistic choice of partner can result in terrible hurt and anger. Narcissistic love is not safe, but must be constantly reassured because those affected do not know how to be loved for their own sake and can only love the other person if he corresponds to their ideas.
This superficial infatuation is shattered with every real encounter, with real closeness and clear recognition of the other person. Like Narcissus, the self-absorbed youth from Greek mythology, who despaired when his beautiful reflection in the water was distorted by wave movements – whenever he tried to touch it.
What should we recognize instead?
That healthy love closeness and Distance allows. That differences and even conflicts also keep the relationship alive. That moments of deep connection are vital and beautiful, but a permanent merger would be destructive because one of them would have to give up. That long-term closeness is also the result of shared development. And that it is a great gift when two people have found each other who fundamentally understand each other and who accept each other as they are. If that’s the definition of soulmates, I totally agree.
Sources used: