If you feel like your partner is hiding you, not really including you in their life, and wants to keep your relationship a secret, you may be a victim of stashing.
As a couple, you have to be vigilant about certain attitudes so as not to be the victim of psychological violence, or be responsible for it yourself. The important thing to maintain a healthy relationship is to maintain a balance, that each of the two partners feels in their place and respected. Knowing how to recognize that we are in a toxic relationship is not always easy.
After ghosting or lovebombing, a new unhealthy behavior taints the couple relationships : stashing or the relationship not assumed. But concretely, what does ”stashing” look like and why can this practice be unhealthy and destructive for both partners, but especially the one who suffers it?
What is stashing?
In English ”stash” literally means ”to hide”. Stashing therefore consists of put aside his or her partner, not to introduce him or her to his or her loved ones, never to mention his or her name on social networks… In short, to act towards others as if one were single, to the detriment of his or her spouse who can only suffer from this situation. Of course, everyone has the right to keep their secret garden. Some live very well by revealing very little on social networks.
But when we talk about stashing, we are talking about a particular context where one of the two people suffers from the situation. It is possible, moreover, that in the most serious degrees, the ”stasher” exerts psychological pressure to prevent his or her partner from publishing selfies two on social networks, prevents any public outing during which the couple could meet acquaintances, sometimes even forcing them physically to hide. Yes, it’s really unhealthy.
See also: What if we adopted “Kondo-ing” to sort out our romantic relationships?
Why hiding your relationship is dangerous?
This insidious behavior is terribly devastating for the hidden person. Indeed, having the impression of being a shameful secret leads to questioning and does not really give the feeling of being loved or respected. ”Why is the loved one so afraid to introduce me to everyone?”What’s wrong with me?’”Am I worthy to date her. Many questions thus fuse in the mind of the person, to the point of lowering themselves and thinking that the problem necessarily comes from them. Stashing undermines the self-confidence of the one we hide.
This situation also leaves the hidden partner in doubt. Maybe you haven’t had a clear discussion with your partner yet and he or she isn’t sure about your relationship. Sometimes a fear of attachment causes some people to do this. In which case, it is essential to have a discussion posed together. Maybe it’s just a problem of shyness or timing! But sometimes stashing is also a more serious red flag, which can for example hide a double life, another relationship and lies. However, if the blame is on you and there is no solution to improve the situation in the long term, leave. You are better than that!