The trial of the speeder who took Stephanie von Pfuel’s beloved son will begin next week. The countess and her family hope for a fair judgment.
A painful day awaits them. Nevertheless, Stephanie Countess Bruges-von Pfuel, 60, longs for August 24th. Because on this day the trial of the man who has stolen her loved one begins in Berlin: her son Charly. The 26-year-old was hit by a speeder while crossing a street in Berlin in March 2019. Seven days later, Charly Bagusat died from his injuries.
In GALA, Stephanie von Pfuel speaks for the first time in detail about her almost unbearable loss – together with her daughter Sophie Bagusat, 31, who, like Charly, comes from the countess’s second marriage to businessman Bernd-Harald Bagusat. Stephanie von Pfuel reports on the days on which she can hardly bear that Charly is no longer alive. And she talks about those moments when she feels particularly close to him.
Sophie also tells how she deals with the death of her brother, this “infinite void” that will always remain. And of her difficult life crisis, which she has now overcome – thanks in part to her mother. GALA meets mother and daughter at their family castle in Tüßling in Bavaria. It is an afternoon where there is a lot of talk, but interrupted again and again by moments of silence and tears.
Stephanie von Pfuel + Sophie Bagusat in a GALA interview
GALA: On August 24th, the trial of the man who ran over Charly begins, charged with negligent homicide. How do you feel about this day?
Stephanie von Pfuel: I’m very scared of the trial, but I will still take part. Because I want to look the person who killed my child in the face. I wish he got a just punishment. And, very importantly: I hope that the process will take place at all! I am not sure if the defendant will appear.
Why do you doubt it?
Pfuel: Because he states “Turkey” as his place of residence on a social media profile. In any case, the report by the Dekra experts clearly shows that he was driving at absolutely excessive speed. In addition, before the accident he was driving with screeching tires and almost knocked over other passers-by. Nevertheless, he continues to post photos on his social media profiles in which he can be seen in front of tuned cars. Apparently he has learned nothing from the accident.
Sophie, will you be there too?
Sophie Bagusat: Yes. It will be a very emotional and difficult day for me too. I’ve read all of the medical reports, seen all of the photos … I couldn’t. I only watched the last video that a camera recorded just before the accident. You can see Charly standing there looking to the right and left before entering the street. The last time. He didn’t stand a chance.
“A suspended sentence would be bad for me”
What would you consider a fair judgment?
Pfuel: It would be bad for me if the defendant got away with a suspended sentence.
Bagusat: And, Mommy, you’re hoping for an excuse.
Pfuel: I already know that the perpetrator will probably not ask for forgiveness, that would be an admission of guilt, so to speak. For me, the following applies: until this process has taken place, I cannot finish with what is happening.
What about you, Sophie?
Bagusat: I’ve already finished with that. Or better: I accepted what happened. The pain, the sadness and this infinite void in my life will remain.
Pfuel: The day of the accident, the day of death, the birthday – and Christmas are particularly bad every year. Charly’s loss feels like I’ve had a part of my body amputated. I am currently learning to live with an arm or a leg that works. But I suffer from terrible phantom pain.
So you will both be in the courtroom.
Bagusat: Yes, I want to sit next to Mommy. (looks at her) I want to be there for you after the negotiation.
Pfuel: There will also be a few friends. They were always there for me, some of them slept with me in bed and gave me a lot of comfort during the hardest days. Almost all of my children also take part – it’s just as difficult for them. We all broke down after the loss of Charly. After his death, I deliberately withdrew because I simply lacked the energy.
“He took the dearest thing from me that can be taken from a person”
What would you like to say to the defendant?
Bagusat: That he shouldn’t race anymore!
Pfuel: I’m not an angel of revenge. Still, I hope that every night he falls asleep thinking that he killed someone. He has taken the dearest thing from me that can be taken from a person: his child.
How present is Charly in your life today?
Bagusat: Very. He appears very often in my dreams, he also speaks to me. And once, when I was decorating our chapel in the castle for him, a heart balloon was lying in front of the door, which it had blown. I took that as a sign from him. In everyday life I consciously take time out to light a candle, think of Charly and listen to his music. He composed himself.
Pfuel: I can’t do any of that yet. There is a very nice photo of him on my dresser. I watch this every day. And in our chapel here in the castle there are always six candles burning, one each from his five siblings and me. We have just added his guitar.
Stephanie von Pfuel had to decide whether the machines should be switched off
Do you have the feeling that he is still with you?
Pfuel: Yes. Shortly after his death, I even felt a couple of times that he was standing right next to me. Like in old times. What I fortunately pushed aside is his time in hospital – Charly got more and more tubes. And the moment when I had to decide whether the machines should be switched off … Yes, that’s why I wonder what this person was thinking while driving.
Bagusat: Despite everything, my mommy was and is solid as a rock – for all of us. She is always there. She would sacrifice everything for us. Even when I wasn’t doing so well a few years ago, she took care of me with love.
You report about this time – your burnout – in your book “Not perfect is also good”.
Bagusat: Mommy was also involved in the writing, she read all the chapters in advance and helped me a lot. The book is about my panic attacks and exhaustion depression, which I got under control thanks to a stay in the clinic and the subsequent therapy. Today I’m fine again.
Your book reads like a diary, a glimpse into your soul.
Bagusat: That’s how it was originally intended – as a diary. Then I have Hendrik (the publisher Hendrik te Neues, a former partner of Stephanie von Pfuel; editor’s note) asked if maybe he knows someone who can correct it for me. He immediately offered his help. At first I hesitated because I didn’t know whether I really wanted to expand my path to the world. After Hendrik took his own life, I knew immediately that I would publish the book. He gave me an important last sentence to take along: “Even if your book changed the life of only one person, it served its purpose.”
How do you live today, what do you do differently?
Bagusat: My pace has slowed down. I take more care of myself. And I’ve given up being a perfectionist. I practice yoga and Reiki, meditate – I call this my suitcase, which is always full.
Pfuel: I’m very, very happy about this development. I was very worried. Sophie came to see me in Tüßling from Sweden, and we were constantly in the emergency room. She thought she was having a heart attack, had rashes and was suffering from anxiety. At first she did not believe in a psychological cause.
Bagusat: You do.
Pfuel: I have often been close to people who suffered from depression and recognized the signs immediately. It was clear to me that it would not work without professional help.
What ultimately helped the disease become accepted?
Bagusat: The statement of my psychologist: “Sophie, that will go away. You can do it.” That was the key for me. The change was clearly exhausting – meditating every morning, for example, is a challenge at first. But when it becomes routine and you can feel how good it is, you like to do it.
Your brother’s death could have plunged you into another crisis.
Bagusat: I wasn’t sure myself what was going to happen. I consciously allowed the pain. And immediately felt that Charly is still around me. That gave me strength.
You got a family tattoo
Now there is something beautiful ahead of you: you will get married next year.
Bagusat: Yes, Alex is the man of my life, that was always clear. I feel at home with him in Sweden. Eleven is my lucky number – and in the eleventh year of our relationship, I received my application.
Pfuel: I visited you in Stockholm, you remember when we all got our family tattoo. I have mine on my left hip. It’s the snake that curls around the facade here in the inner courtyard. It was painted in the Renaissance and is practically our family animal.
Sophie, do you want a big family like your mother?
Bagusat: No, two children are enough for me. And lots of animals. But the focus is on me for now.
Pfuel: There’s always something going on with children, that’s nice. The castle was always an open house, everyone was allowed to bring their friends.
Bagusat: And Charly’s friends keep coming to visit! For them, my mother will always be her second mom.