On the American platform ScaryMommy, a writer and mother named Elaine Roth speaks about this expression too often used by the sons of single mothers “to be the man of the house”.
Thousands of little boys born to single mothers have heard this before. “From now on, you must be the man of the house”. On an American online platform, Elaine Roth, a writer, mother, widow and Pilates instructor, highlights this problem that many have already experienced. She lives in New Jersey with her two children and “her adorable neurotic rescue dog”. Elaine’s husband and father of her children died of brain cancer. On September 15, she posted a testimonial on the American forum ScaryMommy. This platform is one of the largest, most influential online sources of entertainment and information for moms in the United States. It is a community of millions of women who support each other through acceptance, empowerment and the shared experience of motherhood. The primary objective of ScaryMommy’s content is to entertain and inform about children’s education, current affairs and personal stories.
In this little testimonial, Elaine Roth put words to a sensitive topic for many today. A solo mom, she speaks on behalf of the sons of single mothers who are regularly told that they owe it to themselves to be “the man of the house”.
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Too heavy a weight for a child
Unfortunately, the writer also found herself without her father when she was little. Like her, her mother found herself alone following the departure of her father, who never looked back to find out what was happening to his children. According to Elaine, already back then it was not uncommon to hear people take her brother aside and tell him that he must be “the man of the house”. Words that have always bothered her. Speaking of her brother, she declares “I remember watching these interactions, seeing my brother’s chin tilt towards his chest, seeing his gaze drop to the ground and stay there, as if the weight of all that it was expected to be too heavy.”
Today, “these same words are said to my son – luckily, at least, with less frequency than my brother heard them. ”. She saw her brother struggle under the weight of the expectations of others. He regularly felt like a failure and grew up feeling that he was not up to the task. This time, it’s too much for Elaine Roth. She therefore speaks openly on the subject and denounces this bad habit that people have of thinking that a child boy without a father should necessarily be the man of the house.
A household can run perfectly without a “man of the house”
Telling a child that he should be “the man of the house” is extremely problematic. The writer asks herself many questions and wonders why people think that a man must necessarily be a part of the household, or what does a “man” bring into the house that a woman cannot? to bring ?…
Following this list of questions, she writes “ For almost four years, I managed our home on my own. I can say without hesitation that, although it would be nice to have another adult to share the mental, emotional and physical burden of running a household, it is not a “need”, and that adult does not have to be a man..”In addition, it also addresses the aspect of devaluation. The fact that some people allow themselves to tell their son that he should be the man of the house devalues his skills as a “parent”. As if it was insufficient and incapable. “Not only does this have an effect on me, but it subconsciously sends him the message that I’m not good enough,” she says.
“What he needs is to be a child”
His response to the claim that his son needs to be the man of the house is quick and visceral: “No, he doesn’t have to be the man of the house now. He has no additional responsibilities compared to those he had in a two-parent household with a mother and father. What he needs is to be a child, who feels loved and protected. We are in 2021. It is high time to stop telling the sons of single (or lonely) mothers that they should be ‘the man of the house’.”
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