Why are women over 50 happier than others? Because they gained important insights for themselves.
Women get happier with age, especially between the ages of 50 and 70. How come? for one study the scientists followed women for 20 years and came to the conclusion that women would get more “me” time in later years – and that time brings with it a lot of satisfying realizationsas the journalist Estelle Erasmus states in an article for the health magazine “Healthline”.
She spoke to 14 women, all in their 50s, about what they would have done differently when they were younger if they had known then what they now know. We present some of these insights in more detail and classify why they are so extremely important – no matter what age.
Don’t be afraid of being alone
“I would tell my younger self to stop being scared of being alone. I made so many decisions just to be sure I would never be without a lover for even 10 seconds,” is one realization by Barbara S. and she describes a narrative that is very important in our society: that we are only truly happy in a relationship.
And certainly: relationships (whether romantic or platonic) have a tremendous impact on our well-being, as more than one study has pointed out. According to Robert Waldinger, the head of a Harvard studywho accompanied her subjects for over 80 years, was a surprising finding “that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships have a strong impact on our health.” It is just as important to take care of your own body as it is to take care of your relationships, the scientist continues.
But we not only have relationships with other people that need to be nurtured and nurtured, but also and above all with ourselves. After all, we are the ones with whom we spend the most time every day. “Love yourself is not settling for less than what is rightfully ours,” says the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation. Those who love themselves don’t do things out of automated patterns that keep us stuck in the past. Rather, we focus on the things that we need and not those that we (supposedly) want.
Like, for example, having a partner around us, someone who regularly confirms and tells us what we might not believe or want to believe: that we are lovable. that we are good enough But at the end of the day, no one will be able to convince us of this except ourselves.
Appearance is relative
“I wouldn’t worry too much about my looks,” says Rajean B., a public relations consultant in her early 50s past a mirror without fixing my hair, checking my teeth or reapplying lipstick,” she explains.
It even gave her “sleepless nights” when she caught a glimpse of her double chin while talking or laughing. But that’s different now: “My husband and my friends accept and love me for who I am and not for what I look like at the moment. I like to focus on my inner beauty and strength.”
Basically, beauty is in the eye of the person looking at it – but studies show anyway that beauty is not to be found on the outside of a person. At least not in the long term. “The physical aspects, the features, the physique, the balance of the face – that’s the first thing that gets a positive reception,” explains Carla Flamer, President of Marketing Canada, in an interview with the market research company Ipsos. “But what makes someone beautiful in our eyes is intrinsic.” Thinks: What may attract us about our fellow human beings is their appearance – but what keeps us with them is always their inner being.
A “no” is okay
“I would find out what I want,” is the answer from Gena R., a hairdresser in her mid-50s, who says it took a long time to find out who she really is. “I like to describe my younger self by comparing myself to Julia Roberts in the movie ‘The Dare Bride’. In one scene she didn’t even know how she liked her balls because she only ever liked them that way, like her then-boyfriend liked her.” Like Roberts in the film, Gena first had to find out “who I was without a man and how I liked my balls – no matter how he liked them”.
For many, because of her job, she is the “woman behind the chair” who is always happy and who solves other people’s problems. But she doesn’t do anything anymore that she doesn’t feel like doing and would have allowed herself to say “no”. “If I want to watch movies all day, then I will. I surround myself with people I enjoy being with and stay away from people who suck the life out of my bones.”
Above all, she is no longer ashamed of her mistakes – because they “are part of my story and that has made me a more empathetic person”.
Sources used: healthline.com, news.harvard.edu, bbrfoundation.org, ipsos.com