We know that nicknames are an expression of happy relationships (Schnucki principle). But what about general manners in the partnership? What is the best way to talk to our Schnucki so that we are happy and together for a long time? What is the best way to resolve conflicts? Researchers from the University of Arizona have studied the latter in a long-term study with 192 couples and have now published their results in the "Journal Of Psychosomatic Medicine".
Arguing is good for relationship and health
Over a period of 32 years, the scientists accompanied the couple and checked how they looked at their relationship and the physical health of both partners. They have the test subjects specifically to theirs Dealing with conflicts interviewed in the partnership and then divided into groups, such as "when I'm angry, I show it to my partner" or "when I'm annoyed, I tend to do it with myself".
The result: The relationship and health of the partners had the best effect when both partners openly resolved conflicts and vented their anger. In numbers: For these couples, the risk of dying within 30 years was 24 percent for men and 18 percent for women.
The main thing is that both partners have the same dispute strategy
But now it's getting really interesting: Obviously, more important than the question of how conflicts are handled is whether the partnership is based on the same strategy!
Here's the data again: If both partners tended to hold back their feelings and not deal with conflicts openly, the risk of premature death was again 18 percent for women and 35 percent for men – just a little higher than those Armed taps.
In contrast, the risk-of-death values for couples with different cultures of contention were about twice as high! If she held back while he let his anger out, the values were 51 percent (men) and 36 percent (women), in the opposite case 49 percent (men) and 28 percent (women).
Disagreement causes stress
Kyle Bourassa, director of studies and psychologist, told the Daily Mail the results as follows: "If one partner wants to settle disagreements while the other prefers to avoid arguments, they are unconscious both unsatisfied how to deal with their conflicts. This can lead to more stress in everyday life – and that has a long-term negative impact on health. "
On the other hand, if couples are in agreement on disputes – with regard to being carried out or fizzling out – they tend to be happier, less stressed and healthier.
So it doesn't matter whether we like to argue or are more averse to conflict: As long as we have someone on our side with whom we are on the same page, we have a good chance of many years together, And, and this also emphasizes Bourassa, swallowing anger is generally not the best way! Because even in other environments (job, friendships, relatives) we always come into conflict situations in which we have to stand up for ourselves. And where could we practice better than in the relationship with the person we trust most?