Relationship expert reveals
Because of this, most couples split up
Affairs? No money? Bad mother-in-law? Lots of possible stumbling blocks that can break relationships. But the most common reason for breakups is different, according to US psychologist John Gottman.
There are quite a few no-gos in a relationship! Violence, for example. Or narcissism (possibly also female narcissism). Or a breach of trust that has so hit that the broken pieces can never be glued again afterwards. It is clear that such things often lead to a breakup. But according to the American psychologist John Gottman Most couples split up for a completely different reason – and many probably don’t have that high up on the list.
This everyday situation harbors the highest risk of separation
According to the studies of the relationship expert, the risk of separation of couples can be predicted with 94 percent certainty based on an everyday situation: fight! More precisely, it is about the way in which the partners quarrel or quarrel. how they deal with each other in an argument. Oh white …
As is well known, arguments and conflicts exist in every partnership, even in the healthiest one. After all, two people in a relationship remain two independent personalities with individual views and needs – and they are not always the same at all times or can always be reduced to a common denominator (you can find out more about this in our article “Which conflicts cannot be resolved?” ).
But how do couples argue if Gottman predicts a separate future? And how like those whom the psychologist sees growing old together? Like the online portal “Psychology Today“writes, is Gottman’s magic word that sooner or later, with a high degree of probability, will bring couples apart, contempt, ie Disregard, Contempt or ignorance.
- Pff, you have no idea!
- You sure didn’t tell me that!
- BUT LISTEN TO ME FOR THE FIRST TIME!
- Don’t get so involved in everything!
- I don’t care what you think about it.
Ever heard Well Such utterances are typical expressions of disdain …
Anger is better than disregard
Admittedly, when one is scrambling, it is not uncommon to feel a certain dislike and contempt for the other. On the contrary: it is quite normal and common. However, it is up to us whether we indulge these feelings unrestrainedly and express them to our partner, or whether we – despite all internal annoyance – one respectful, appreciative tone true. Do not worry! That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be loud and that we should continue to call him “sweetheart” while arguing. Of course we can let out anger and aggression – as long as we stay on par with the other!
- It makes me so mad that you won’t let me finish!
- I can’t remember you ever telling me that …
- In my opinion, you are totally exaggerating!
Ever heard Excellent! Because such statements make the (dispute) partner clear their own point of view, but do not signal disregard for them – and, according to Gottman, are strong indications of a long, happy relationship.