Using sex toys, setting up erotic scenarios, whispering exciting words into your partner’s ear… When it comes to sexuality, there are a multitude of sources of pleasure, which depend on each person’s tastes but also on fleeting desires, whether one can have at certain times. For some people, it is the question of control that can be a source of enjoyment.
But what exactly does it mean to take control? It’s firstly about taking control of your sexuality and “decide the ‘what’, the ‘when’ and the ‘how’. Obviously, with the complicity of your partner, but it really means allowing yourself to listen to your desires and act, to put things in place to have maximum pleasure”summarizes Alexandra Hubin, sexologist and founder of Sex Positive.
Taking control in bed: 3 situations analyzed by our sexologist
Some like to take control in bed, while others prefer to leave this role to their partner. Current wife asked the question to Internet users on social networks and Alexandra Hubin analyzed the answers. She focuses on three situations and gives her advice for maximizing pleasure by taking control of your sexuality.
“I feel in control when I’m on top”
Do you feel in control when you are on top of your partner? Several positions allow you to adopt this posture, such as the Amazon or the Andromache. This allows to “decide on the tone and dynamics of this exchange, because we can have movements that are a little more fiery (…) or on the contrary, something more tender and sensual”, explains the sexologist.
But these positions where the woman is on top are not just about penetration. The sexologist thus evokes the possibility of a revisited cunnilingus, where it is the partner who is in a lying position: “We can very well imagine putting our vulva close to our partner’s mouth (…) There, we are in a completely different dynamic: I take the upper hand and that can give this intention that we have control over our sexuality ”.
“I like to tie up my partner and blindfold him”
Taking control in bed can also involve tying your partner up. For people who are fond of this type of practice, it can be a way to “listen to yourself”notably “if you are with a partner who tends to take a lot of initiative”And “to have the opportunity to ask yourself the question: ‘But what do I want?’”underlines Alexandra Hubin.
If like you, your other half is also a fan of these practices and likes to be tied up, it is however advisable to establish certain rules beforehand. Beyond the obviously essential consent, the sexologist suggests putting in place a code, which can be used during sexual relations, when the partner is tied up and therefore not free to move. The idea? That he “can express that this, for example, is something that he does not want to practice at that moment”she specifies.
Blindfolding your partner can also be another way to take control of your sexuality. An option “particularly interesting for men and women who, for example, have a little difficulty with their body”explains Alexandra Hubin, before specifying that this can help to “let go much more easily”.
“I prefer it when he takes the orders”
If some people like to take the upper hand, others, on the contrary, prefer when it is their partner who occupies this role. It may “allow them to be more attentive to their sensations, therefore to have a partner who is a conductor, and to be themselves with incredible pleasure in letting themselves be carried away by their initiatives”.
More than taking control in bed, the idea is to take control over your sexuality in order to“discuss what we want or not (…) what gives us the most pleasure”explains Alexandra Hubin. “It’s giving ourselves the means to be able to put in place what gives us the most well-being”she concludes.
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