Talk about sex
This is how you find the right words
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No, sex is no longer a taboo topic. But often enough we can’t find the right words to talk about it with each other – because it’s so intimate. But luckily something is happening.
There are a lot of myths about sex, and perhaps none are as persistent as the idea that physical love is a completely natural thing. Because it’s about needs, instincts, hormones – shouldn’t it happen by itself, without words? According to this logic, there shouldn’t be any food blogs and magazines, and fashion wouldn’t be an issue if it were just about surviving and keeping warm.
Cultivate “Yes.”
Because we are complicated beings: Especially when things become deeply human, talking and trying things out helps us to find what we like and suit us. Whether in the kitchen, in front of the mirror or in bed. And if we know what we want solo, we can also get involved with a partner more confidently.
A climate change is currently underway when it comes to sex, and for once for the better. First: The MeToo movement is entering a new phase. In the beginning it was about not only recognizing your own boundaries, but also maintaining them. “No means no,” that was a long-overdue rejection of all those who objectified women through looks, sayings, and touching. But in the last two or three years, the term “sex-positive” has made a career, on social media, in podcasts and book titles: after so much “no” we are now learning to cultivate the “yes”. A yes to sexual diversity and your own desires, which makes you self-confident and strong.
Sexuality can mean empowerment if it only makes us weak, where we would like to be weak. Because when we know what we want and can say it clearly, we take responsibility for our desire. Regardless of whether we are looking for new connection in a two-person relationship, getting involved with a person of a different gender than we previously knew, or registering for a bonding weekend. Being authentic is the new sex symbol.
Simple as that!
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Proper communication creates closeness
Secondly, as a direct result: the comeback of love. Not just in the sense of a wedding in white, but in all facets, from self-love to a growing awareness of the vulnerability of the other person. This applies to the long-term partner as well as to the fleeting dating portal acquaintance. You don’t have to sign a joint building savings contract to deal carefully with feelings such as desire or rejection. And talking creates closeness, whether for an evening or for a lifetime. The dating app Tinder has recently started inviting people to “Swipe Nights,” where people get to know each other while chatting and playing a crime guessing game. This is a step away from the body capitalism that divides people into those you invite into your bed and those you push off the edge of the bed. In times of diversity, it is no longer cool if only the thinnest, blondest and youngest women have the right to ecstasy.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that everything is good now and all problems have been solved, especially not our communication problems. Shame and speechlessness do not disappear overnight; some men (and some women) are unsettled by the new rules of the game. The visibility of gender and sexual diversity can also be confusing. And whether topics like sex toys or lull in desire are suitable for a big backyard party or lead to embarrassing silence, that depends on the neighbors.