According to the figures, 6.7 million French people have been victims of incest, which represents one in ten French people, 2 to 3 children per class. Also, more than 10 million French people claim to have suffered sexual violence Figures that are cold in the back. President of Majuscule Childhood and psychologist, Patricia Chalon explains how to approach non-consent with children.
Since the release of Camille Kouchner's book "La familia grande", many victims have spoken on social networks to denounce the sexual abuse they suffered during their childhood, through the hashtag #MeTooInceste.
More than ever, it is important to educate children about non-consent and the importance of talking and not keeping secrets that are too heavy for them so that they can protect themselves and keep the memory of a childhood. happy and free.
Read also :
What the law says ?
Incest is a sexual assault that continues in the privacy of homes. According to article 222-31-1 of the Criminal Code, the aggressor is "an ascendant or any other person (…) having legal or de facto authority over the victim, either a father, a mother, a grandparent, an uncle, an aunt, a brother, a sister, but also a handsome -father, a mother-in-law, or a guardian with parental authority. "
A sexual assault is characterized by touching with or without penetration.
How to teach consent to your child?
It is essential that the child realizes that his body belongs to him and that no one can touch it without his consent. “It is important for the child to do the actions alone, although sometimes he will need the help of an adult. In general, the more the child grows, the more he learns the autonomy of his body ", emphasizes Patricia Chalon, President of Capital Childhood and psychologist.
In addition, you have to know how to listen to your child, without forcing him to do something he does not want. “You shouldn't force a child to kiss someone, just say hello and be polite. The physical report is not obligatory and the child must feel in possession of his body. "
"A secret under duress is not a pretty secret"
As soon as there is sexual abuse, the executioners ask the young victims to keep it a secret. So very few children dare to speak out for fear of betraying this secret. "The child must be taught that if a person threatens him, the secret shames him, hurts him or makes him uncomfortable, then it is not good", ishe says. "A secret under duress is not a pretty secret"
It is imperative that the victim can confide in someone. "She has to confide in a family member or someone outside, she has to talk about it until she is heard"
On social networks, Internet users are also raising awareness on this question of secrecy, such as Courtney Pentecost, a Tiktok user who alerts others to this practice. "Secrets are not allowed at home, the only thing I allow are nice surprises, which makes a big difference", she explains. “Good surprises are the ones that are going to be revealed eventually as a surprise party, but keeping a secret is the predator's method against children because children want to please adults by any means possible. trusted adult, me, dad or his grandparents ”.
Children should be made to understand that there are several types of secrets:
– funny secrets that give pleasure: these are the real secrets, they are the only ones that we can keep.
– secrets that can harm others
– bad secrets.
If the child feels uncomfortable with a secret, it's okay to talk about it with another adult and it should be. Explain to your child that telling a secret will NEVER result in punishment, because the child has simply told the truth, which is a great habit (and keep your pledge). Try as much as possible to put your child in confidence, tell him that he can tell you absolutely anything without being judged.
A stolen life
In cases of incest, children find themselves without landmarks and under the control of their torturer. “Adults are supposed to protect us and put up barriers so that the world doesn't hurt us too much. It's a double bind for the victims ", she says.
As they grow up, the victims' words are freed, but their lives remain turned upside down forever. "Let's hear what they have to say. Often they are told huge lies by making them think that what they are going through is normal: 'All dads do this'.
"I have the right to say yes then to say no"
Very young, it is important to learn the concept of consent to your child. “Anyone is not allowed to touch my body. Non-consent is fundamental. I have the right to say no. I have the right to say no on Monday and to say yes on Thursday, I have the right to say yes and then no ”, she emphasizes. “We no longer want to hear that the victims were consenting, but rather that they were under control. In law, a child under 15 cannot consent to sex with an adult. ”
Incest: talk about it
<! –
->
To help you
To talk about it and explain sexual violence, consent or incest to your children, you can download the Astrapi pin published by bayard and available for free here
If in doubt, do not hesitate to call 119, the national telephone reception service for children at risk. There are also associations that can guide you or help you: Enfance Majuscule, the Childhood Foundation, Innocence in Danger or even Childhood and Sharing.