Free and autonomous play is very important for the child's development. While some can easily play on their own, others have more difficulty. If your cherub belongs to this second category, we will explain how to teach him to take care of himself.
Some parents are terrified that their little one will be bored – especially because they don't want to be solicited all the time. Thus, they make sure that he has a planned activity all the time. However, overloading his schedule prevents him from having moments when he is bored and learning to play alone. Free and autonomous play is essential for the child to grow well: it allows him to develop his abilities but also to become more independent. But then what can you do when he doesn't know how to take care of himself and he always asks you to participate? We take stock with Elena Goutard, parental coach.
The importance of autonomous play
Free and autonomous play allows children to develop their creativity and imagination. He will have to create his own stories, with his own characters. Or imagine a nice drawing, etc. He will also learn to organize his thoughts, to sort out his ideas, his emotions and above all to get used to loneliness, without anxiety. So many things that will encourage its evolution. Note that a child can play alone from the age of three.
In addition, for the specialist, "This is how they discover the world, develop and test their capacities, define the relationship between them and their environment, make the links of cause and effect, discover the first scientific notions (calculation, weight, gravity). The game is instructive but also instinctive. "
Some children have no problem playing alone. In siblings, it is not uncommon to see a child who isolates himself more easily for fun. Others, however, cannot stand loneliness. "It all depends on their personality, their habits, their place in the siblings, the number of children in the family", specifies the expert. Before adding: "No matter what the situation, all children can develop a taste for play. It’s a natural skill that sometimes just needs a little help. " As parents, your role will be to help him discover that he can play very independently and have just as much fun!
Reassure your child
In general, a child has not learned to be alone. Since birth, he has been surrounded by his parents and / or his brothers and sisters at home. But also of his comrades and his school teacher. Thus, it can be difficult to spend moments without any company.
Do not hesitate to explain to him that being alone is also a good way to flourish, to play what he wants or to accomplish his own projects. Also make sure that her emotional needs are met. "A child may have trouble concentrating on an activity because of an emotion: a separation that is too hard to live with, the start of a community life, the conflict between parents. Sometimes just because you missed him "explains the coach. So, before letting him go play alone, make sure you have had a special time with him: either by simply hugging him, either by sharing a meal cooked for two or by having had a moment of complicity in front a movie.
Encourage him
If your child is reluctant to play alone, you can offer to stay with them at the start. Feeling your presence will reassure him. You can even participate in the activity for a few minutes, then let him finish alone and encourage him. For example, tell him "Your drawing is very beautiful, we will display it on the fridge" or "Your sister will be super proud of you when you see your construction". Then reduce your involvement day by day, until you no longer intervene at all in this playing time in autonomy.
Very demanding the first days, your child should gradually develop his capacity for concentrated and longer play. Do not blame yourself by saying no to your child, it is a learning and a gift that you give him.
Also explain to him that now he is tall and able to be alone.
If he really doesn’t know what to do, give him a few leads, asking open-ended questions and not influencing him towards a specific game. Refer him to the toys or book he owns or to an activity he loves to do.
Don't overload her toy room
An overly stimulating environment can disturb the child more than anything else during these moments of independent play. Indeed, this can tire him and therefore impair his ability to concentrate. "Watch your child. What does he like to play? Is it more creative or sporty? Don't clutter up your living space with toys. Go for minimalism. Vary. Change toys regularly », advises the specialist.
Also, try to keep it away from the screens, they are too exciting and stuffy, according to the coach: "The more external stimulation your child receives, the less able he is to use his internal resources. "
Playing doesn't just mean looking after!
As Elena Goutard explains, we often tend to think wrongly that to play is to be busy. "When we play, we produce, we create, we have fun. Yes, but not only. To play is also to stroll, dream, touch and simply explore your environment. To play is to be lying on the ground observing the design of the tapestries or counting in your head the number of fingers ", she says.
Also don't be afraid of boredom! It is very educational for children: it helps them to be more creative but above all to get to know each other better. "If your child is bored, do not feel responsible and do not try to entertain them constantly. Unintentionally, you risk starting the vicious cycle of boredom. The more you try to stimulate the child, the less he becomes able to take care of himself, the more he gets bored and the more he demands you ", continues the expert. Clearly, these moments will be beneficial for him as for you. You can go about your business while he is having fun alone (and – finally – a little respite).