There are lives that experience many mishaps. Krystèle (assumed name) is told in a poignant, natural book, without the slightest filter, of the sexual violence that she experienced as a child in her prostitute life while being a mother. A singular destiny that we wanted to discover.
From the start of the telephone interview, a small, almost childlike voice answered us. While fragile, Kristèle whose book "An almost perfect mom", just published by Max Milo éditions, sets the tone for the interview: sincerity and taboo revealed. Mother of five, Kristèle, 47, living in Var, returns in detail to her life which has gone through many trials, surely too much for one person. His daily life, his relationships with his children, his family, his friends, and the gear that led him to prostitute, everything is discussed.
"Chaotic" is the word chosen by Krystèle to sum up his childhood, a pillar of everyone's life but here horribly dark. She was placed in the first years of her existence with a foster family because her mother could not take care of her. At the age of five, our contact finds her mother. The latter lives with her companion at the time. "One evening when she went to do some housework to make a living, the man with whom she shared her life woke me up in my sleep. And he told me "come and eat the fish"."This scabrous metaphor evokes fellatio. A moment more than painful and traumatic."I vomited and he asked me to clean everything with my mouth", says the mother. The little girl does not say anything to her mother because her executioner tells her that he will kill her if she confesses. Suspicions of ill-treatment alert the social services, because the child is also beaten. Mother and daughter leave home. Krystèle says everything to her mother, she replies "we don't talk about it anymore, it's over". In view of this answer, in the mind of the little girl, these abuses become almost normal, "not serious".
There is hope for a new destiny. Krystèle's mother is recovering as a couple. A little brother arrives quickly. Being bipolar and manic-depressive, it is the author of "An almost perfect mom" to take care of the baby. A child caring for a child. "I put my brother in the stroller and I went shopping ", she says. The darkness of bad days returns to haunt the girl. This new man, this new stepfather, shows him pornographic reviews and the resulting abuse. An eternal renewal in human perversion is playing out.
What is his vision of sexuality in the face of these monstrosities? "I knew at the time that it was not good, that I was not old enough to see it. I was embarrassed. The adult world arrived very quickly, I had no childhood. When I became a mom, I told myself it is not possible to do this to a child."
During his studies, a real suffering settled. In college, Krystele felt "different from the rest" and her classmates did not help her get better. Bullying, exclusion, school is not the place where she can breathe in an already difficult daily life. After a while, she dropped out of the school system despite "good potential".
The only place to unwind: the nightclub. "It was a deliverance, an escape. But it was also there that I discovered alcohol, at 14 years old", she explains. In this midst of the party, Krystèle realizes that she likes men. She thus accepts all their sexual requests, because the young woman seeks tenderness above all. For her, give her body was the price to pay for finding a secure shoulder.
Out of breath, at 20, Krystèle attempted suicide by swallowing pills belonging to her mother: "I did not regret this gesture, because I did not think about the result. For me, waking up or not was not a fear"Two days after she got out of the hospital, she came back to the nightclub, still carrying with her, as always, this disgust for this life."I feel like I don't deserve a normal life", testifies Krystèle.
This "normal life", she tasted it a few years later. She became a soldier's wife, with three children, for 10 years. "But overnight, I blew everything away", she tells us. A real self-destruction that she does not hide.
On prostitution, Krystèle is also very free to tell her story. Very young, already, she got into cars for remuneration. "I was not looking, it was coming to me"On her first real escort date, no intimidation."When you are registered on an Internet site as an escort, you meet men who are not generally violent, in any case, I did not experience bad things. It’s not like on the street. In these situations, I move or they come to my house", Krystèle book. Regarding the evolution of the prostitute's profession over the years, she explains that there are many individuals who correspond with her by messages without ever wanting to see her, and always asking the same questions. "They are curious. Once, I had a client who, after spending some time with me, taught me a lesson via text message: 'why are you doing this job?' I told him 'but you called on me so why do you tell me that… "Being a prostitute is a job for Krystèle, like any other. She sees her clients and then returns to her role as mother. Her body is her working tool that allows her to live. But she doesn’t "Don't hesitate to say that she can't wait to stop prostitution. A weariness has settled in."Sex disgusts me. For three years, I have not done anything with my companion", formulates Krystèle. His look is the same on men. A desire and a confidence are lost.
For sociologist Françoise Gil, the so-called contradiction ‘mom’ and ‘whore’ is a question to be grasped. According to his words in the book of Krystèle, "these sex workers are generally very demanding in terms of educating their children. Most of them enroll their children in private schools, monitor their academic performance and monitor their outings and attendance. They keep their children away from bad meetings, scum, as some say … The myth of the good mother always keeps women under control, even if the contributions of psychoanalysis and feminist work have considerably contributed to the deconstruction of the concept."
His role as a mother
A kind of double identity defines Krystèle. Without fear of being judged, she tells us that when her daughters (of a second union) are with their nanny, she receives her clients. As an excuse, she justifies cleaning up. And on the question of the secrecy surrounding his activity, everything is under control, none of his children is aware of it. Even when she spoils them with money that is lacking in certain months, her older children ask for nothing. Some strategies are put in place, when her first husband's children came to see her, she worked weeks before to save money and be completely available to them, without having contact with clients.
By the time she goes to pick up her daughters from school, there is a certain discrepancy with the other mothers. "By dint of lying, I tell myself that I will become completely mythomaniac!"The concerns of other women are no longer in line with her daily life."I can't be friends with them", she reveals.
The main thing is her "wonders", as she calls her children, who are her whole life. Without them, she is nothing. Krystèle is above all a mother, who takes care that her children are happy and want for nothing. "An almost perfect mom".
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