Back to school, some parents like Olivia, 41, are looking forward to it. Mother of two young children, she saw her summer and her holidays turn into a nightmare when she had to juggle between her work, her toddlers to be looked after, the administrative procedures to be finalized and the famous mental load. She tells us.
I am the mother of two boys, Timéo, 6 years old, who is entering CP and Noa* who is entering kindergarten for the first time. And if I have to be honest, I can’t wait for the start of the new school year to finally be released. This summer, nothing went as planned. With my husband, we have been underwater for weeks. Maybe me a little more, I admit. In previous years, we could count on my parents who live in the provinces and who usually take care of the children until the start of the school year. But this year, they couldn’t. We therefore had to review our plansand what an organization it was!
I had a fortnight’s vacation at the beginning of August, which is good enough, but in the end it wasn’t really a vacation in the sense that you mean it. I could not rest, nor fully enjoy my children, because like other parents, I found myself without means of care for my youngest Noa. Because yes, when a child leaves the nursery and enters the small section of kindergarten, there are not necessarily receptions in all cities. We lived it, we, in Paris. And in our case, I couldn’t rely on my in-laws either, who live in the suburbs of Paris, but who by choice don’t want to keep their grandchildren. I spent days struggling, and finally we found a solution at the end of August with the summer camp. But it was not easy, far from it.
A tenfold mental burden
During these holidays, my mental load has been increased tenfold. While I had not yet returned, I was already thinking about the other two weeks that awaited me and the tunnel that loomed in front of me. I couldn’t see the end of it, and that’s what was also terrible. I worried about the childcare method but also for all the administrative procedures as the start of the new school year approaches, and in particular the famous family quotient, which makes it possible to calculate the bracket in which the home is located in order to be able to pay for the canteen and the outdoor center for children. To this we add, the buggy platform, the phone calls to the town hall to try to obtain a solution for Noa, because yes it is not funny otherwise but he was not yet in the family portal. All this took me a monstrous time. For weeks, I was the nose in it and every day I said to myself “it’s good, a day has just passed, there’s no point in anticipating, we’re getting closer to the start of the new school year” and fortunately I want to say.
For my boyfriend, it was different. Naturally, I worry more than him. I also always managed all that so I think he was less stressed by the situation. However, that didn’t stop me one day, when I couldn’t come up with an idea, from telling him about it and he directly presented his mother with a fait accompli so that she could keep Timéo and Noa.
Feeling guilty for his children
When I returned to work, on my return from my pseudo vacation, a new constraint was added: lworking remotely with children. I felt like I was back in the Covid period, with the confinements. They wake up, you’re in front of your computer, they start coming to see you, overstretching you. By reflex, you put them in front of a cartoon so that they leave you a little quiet, you have lunch then you say to yourself that you still have to take them out so you go around the block, after that it’s time quiet time. And the days after, it’s rebelote. The number of times during the day I heard “mommy, mommy, mommy”, it’s rinsing and above all it’s alienating, I was like oppressed. And I felt totally guilty for imposing this situation on them.
Even for my children it was difficult. Just this week, when their dad first picked them up from the summer camp, they were surprisingly super calm. Why ? Quite simply because they had experienced something other than everyday life at home, on top of each other. What came out of it was thatthey too were fed up with us, like us.
Two children, two new years, a dual organization
On the eve of the new school year, I feel a little more at peace. We come to the end and so much the better. I managed to manage but until the last moment it was calculations to be made, again and again. For my children, it’s their very first start of the school year and naturally as a mother, I want to be there for their first times, their first snack, their leaving school, etc. I still have this pressure to be present on time, to have everything finished and to be ready to pick them up.
With my work, I will be able take half a day to accompany Noa on Friday, which is making its comeback in a staggered fashion. But for Timéo I will still have to use stratagems, put myself in telework to at least be there for the school day. When I think about it, it’s a real marathon preparing for the start of the school year. For me September 5 will be the real liberation, because little by little everything will be put in place. We will find our balance and our habits as a family.
*Names in this article have been changed.
Since September 2021, Lisa has joined the Aufeminin team. Little by little she specialized in subjects related to parenthood. Curious and passionate about writing, she likes to tell …