In Manipulatedthe new testimonial podcast launched by Current wife, those who speak out have all experienced the influence. Within the couple, at work, within friends or family, they have been victims of destructive relationships, tinged with manipulation, dependence and psychological violence. The first episode gives the floor to Nathalie, a psychologist who was under the control of her former partner. Proof, if any were needed, that everyone can find themselves under the influence.
“I was so bad, I really didn’t see it coming”
It was during an evening with friends that Nathalie, then a psychologist for over 20 years, met the man who would shake up her existence. “He didn’t make a good impression on me.”, she confides straight away. He tries to seduce her, and although she is not receptive, she eventually gives in and gives him her number. They then become friends.
Three years later, Nathalie is confronted with a family tragedy which plunges her into deep sadness. While she feels particularly alone, this man with whom she has remained vaguely in contact is there for her. “I was so bad (…) I really didn’t see it coming”, she remembers. In this period of great fragility, she begins a romantic relationship with him. He then puts on his ideal man’s costume. And very quickly, he moved in with her.
“I wasn’t going to kick him out, there was a lot of guilt”
Six months after the start of their relationship, she finds her partner’s behavior increasingly “pressing”. In particular, he makes remarks to her about her relationships with her friends or even about the time her daughter takes up. He then sows doubt in her mind, to the point that she ends up wondering if the relationships she maintains with those close to her are healthy.
Faced with so many contradictory feelings, she thinks about separation, but is overtaken by guilt. “We say to ourselves: ‘He’s not usually like that, I’m not going to ruin everything, I’m going to try to understand, we’re going to talk about it’. It’s always very complicated, because he had come into my life, I wasn’t going to kick him out, where was he going to go? There was a lot of guilt”she explains.
“I was the psychologist in my office, but when I moved back into my personal life, all that disappeared”
Two years later, his partner had to go on business trips, and this change caused the latter’s attacks of jealousy to intensify. “He was convinced that I was entertaining people, that I was seeing men, that I was talking to my exes, that I was being seduced all over the place”recalls Nathalie.
She realizes that there is at home “something that was really severely dysfunctional”but the influence is already there. “I had already encountered him, as a psychologist, in my office. And sometimes, when talking with my patients, I found out things about how he works. But there was something that was splitting in my mind, because I was the psychologist in my office (…) and when I moved back into my personal life, all that disappeared. I no longer had this kind of lucidity”she says.
“He put me in a situation where he forced me to answer him”
One day, she decides to leave. In response, his partner breaks everything and throws away his things. Nathalie then warns the police, but they perceive her situation as a simple “domestic scene”. That’s when the harassment begins: Nathalie’s ex-partner finds her address and stands around in front of her apartment. “He put me in a situation where he forced me to answer him. It invaded everything”she explains.
One day, exhausted, she lets him come home. And that evening, he was physically violent with her. She then goes to the gendarmerie and feels listened to for the first time: “Because he had physically abused me, this time I was heard”, she comments. His ex-spouse is then sentenced to a suspended sentence, but is not prohibited from approaching him, simply “caution”she explains.
“I fell into the biggest trap possible”
If she doesn’t hear from this man for a few months, he ends up coming back to her house. She then makes the decision to leave everything to settle on the other side of France.
As the move approaches, her ex-partner offers to help her, and agrees to leave immediately after settling in. “I was super alone” she remembers. After a long hesitation, she finally accepts and the two take the road together.
But once there, her ex-partner does not leave. “I realize that I have fallen into the biggest possible trap (…) Everything starts again at power 10,000”, she explains.
“It was harassment day and night”
Two months of ordeal then began for Nathalie. “It was harassment day and night. It prevented me from sleeping, from eating, from going out”, she says. During this period, her only moments of respite occur when her ex-companion falls asleep after consuming alcohol. She then takes the opportunity to go and sleep for a few hours at the hotel, in order to regain her strength. “The crazy thing is that at no time, while I had my car, did I think about running away for good”she comments.
One evening, while she is at the hotel, her ex-partner sends her videos in which he hurts her cat. A “unbearable scene (…) which was the trigger”, remembers Nathalie. She then decides to return to save her cat and explains that she had a “flash” on my way. It is “as if my brain had suddenly reconnected, in a last burst of survival”.
“It’s not just blows that kill”
Once back home, she shows herself in her best light in front of her ex-partner so as not to arouse his suspicions. When he leaves the house to go to a meeting, she takes her cat, rushes into her car, and hits the road without knowing where she is going. “I drove for 12 hours straight, I didn’t even dare to stop to go to the toilet.”
On the way, she sublets a room in which she remains locked up for three days. She takes advantage of this time to reconnect with a friend to whom she tells what she experienced. The latter offers to accommodate him and helps him reconnect with his family and find support.
Since then, Nathalie has rebuilt herself: “I am much better, (…) I have returned to a normal life, ordinary relationships (…) I have rebuilt a love life with someone caring”she explains.
If she wanted to tell her story, it is to alert people to the insidious workings of psychological control and manipulation, but also to the devastating consequences that this can have. “It’s not just the beatings that kill (…) all this violence, this harassment, this underground destruction of who we are (…), it kills a human being, it’s a mental prison” .
To listen to this entire testimony from the Manipulé·es podcast, go to Apple Podcast, Spotify, Deezer or Amazon Music.