That’s what couples argue about at Christmas – tips from couple therapists

study shows
Couples argue about this on the holidays – tips from the couple therapist

“I always have to do everything”, “Your mother always complains about everything”, “Why can’t you decorate for once?”. These are just three of the various points of contention that, according to one representative study occur in couples during the Christmas season. The dating portal Parship, together with the market research institute INNOFACT AG, surveyed 1,123 people between the ages of 18 and 69 on the subject of Christmas. The result: Every third person argues about the holidays (32 percent), with the 40 to 49 year olds there were even more quarrels (41 percent). What causes dissatisfaction most often and how you can counteract it:

In-laws & Co.

Most will already have had bad experiences with their partner’s family. Unfortunately, for some, everything you do for them is not good enough – and especially on public holidays and thus also at Christmas, parents-in-law and Co. are the biggest point of contention for partners. 40 percent of men and 37 percent of women gave it as a reason for dissatisfaction in their own relationship.

Too few moments together

Togetherness, peace and romance: for many, Christmas should be perfect and idyllic, especially with their partner. The younger respondents argued more often because of the lack of romance. More than half of the 18 to 29-year-olds (63 percent) would like more togetherness and clash because the desired relationship does not correspond to reality. This problem is less evident among the 50 to 59 year olds, who gave this reason at only 28 percent. Possibly because the sometimes exaggerated ideas at a young age are more and more replaced by past experiences with age – wisdom of old age, so to speak.

Traditions and expectations do not go together

Decorate, get the tree together and decorate it: women seem to place more value on traditions and customs. 37 percent stated that there was a dispute because of other ideas. The younger ones (18 to 29 years) are rather relaxed on this point. Only 13 percent argued about supposed Christmas must-haves. Perhaps the difference here is that older people often already live together? There is certainly room for interpretation, but we cannot be certain.

Too much work gets stuck on one person

Cooking, cleaning, wrapping presents, baking cookies or decorating the Christmas tree – all of this can lead to arguments in the relationship if most of it is done by one person. Women in particular (36 percent) gave this reason, among men it was only 19 percent.

Your own family

Not only the in-laws or brothers-in-law cause disputes. Among the men, 30 percent stated that their own family can certainly cause potential for disputes. Small frictions in the family can probably never be completely ruled out. However, women were less often annoyed by their own siblings, parents or grandparents in comparison with 20 percent. Luckily, the good thing about families is that as quickly as the quarrel arises, it is quickly forgotten.

Other problems from gifts to alcohol

In addition to the main factors, there were a few other issues identified by respondents:

And what does the couple therapist advise?

“It is helpful before there is a crisis, i.e. in a good mood, to discuss the worst case scenarios together and, above all, the countermeasures,” explains couple therapist Eric Hegmann. Most scenarios would no longer occur because the partners already knew that they would get through whatever came. “If you develop the couple feeling beforehand, then you won’t become opponents, but you will stand together as a team.” The expert goes on to explain that relaxing and romantic hours often collide with the desire for perfection. But it helps to keep this simple fact in mind: “Christmas is what you make of it and not what others expect of you, what you do and how you should be.”

Sources used: Eric Hegmann PR, Parship

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