During a first romantic encounter, certain behaviors should alert you to avoid engaging in a relationship that, in the long term, would not be fulfilling. We explain 5 of the red flags to know.
Every first romantic date can be the starting point of a beautiful and intense love story… But not always! If we haven’t been able to decode the warning signs (often well concealed), itertain relationships can become very important weights on our morale. To avoid engaging in a toxic relationship as much as possible, knowing the most frequent “red flags” can help you sort out your suitors on the first date!
What we call red flags are precisely these more or less revealing signals of someone’s personality. Signals which in this case are negative, or at least portend significant problems with communication, possessiveness and even control in the future. This term would come from the red flags used in many armies to signify that they are ready to fight. A metaphor that seems quite relevant when you chain the first appointments in search of your half!
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If it’s too much
You’ve known each other for one, two or even three dates of barely a few hours and your date is already starting to chain declarations of love? If at the time it may seem cute, it can also be a bad sign for the future. Even if he or she is honest, it may be a little early for him or her to see you as their life partner!
This kind of declaration from the start can create a form of emotional dependence, even participate in building a relationship of influence without you realizing it. So calm his ardor, take the time to step back and preserve your limits.
If the date turns to the job interview…
Some people are really very confident when it comes to finding love. If at first no one is going to ask you for a CV, some dates can feel like a job interview. This person asks you A LOT of questions, a bit in a row as if they are checking that you tick the right boxes. She wants to know everything about your old relationships, your friends, your family, your career… This kind of moment can quickly become oppressive, and not only mean good things for the future.
These people might expect you to match an unattainable ideal. They don’t want to leave anything to chance and in the long run, it could give a controlling relationship. Try to calm the game, launch a more calm subject to get to know each other over the conversations. But stay on your toes if this tendency to control materializes again.
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When the date turns to therapy!
Talking about your personal problems during the first romantic dates can be completely normal, and even help to create a bond between the lovebirds. But when that moment of confidence spans the entire date, you can quickly have the impression of changing into a voluntary psychotherapist! If the sensation is not very pleasant in itself, this can also constitute a red flag.
We all have moments in life when our worries take over more or less intensely. But these moments of vagueness are not necessarily the most conducive to laying the foundations for a balanced relationship. It may be healthier to give him time to work out his problems on his own, until he or she is in better conditions to commit.
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If he only talks about himself
This meeting can be summed up by a conference of your date on his life and his work. He puts himself forward a lot and doesn’t seem to be interested when you talk about your experiences. Faced with this kind of person, we can sometimes get sucked in. By a particular charisma, or impressed by his journey. Be careful, however, because this narcissism could continue if by chance you engage in a relationship.
Worse: if your potential partner talks a lot about one or more of his exes. This could indicate that he or she has not yet moved on. If he talks bad about it, or that he mentions his “crazy ex”, caution. This is often a common point of toxic partners.
If he tends to put you down or put others down
This can be frontal, in the form of small “innocent” criticisms of your physique or your clothes. Or even in the form of little disparaging jokes that may seem harmless at first sight. Putting others down to show off even if it’s wrapped in kindness and compliments, it’s a red flag. This person may have an inferiority complex that cannot be healthy in a relationship.
Being denigrated on a daily basis, even in a humorous tone, can lead to the development of complexes in some people, or even to a long-term relationship of control.
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Take a step back before committing
During the first moments of a romantic relationship, it is sometimes difficult to notice these warning details. If we don’t have to get overly suspicious and let the magic of alchemy do its thing, it’s always good to take a step back to avoid getting into a toxic relationship as much as possible. At the slightest doubt, trying to broach the subject with the person can help to break the ice, or conversely to confirm your intuition.