The 5 Things You Should Never Do If You Want to Raise Successful Kids, According to Experts

The goal of every parent is to see their child succeed, become better every day and flourish. But this obsession can often have the opposite effect and push children towards failure. Particularly if they are too pressurized and not supported correctly.

The ideal education, for many parenting experts, should be about encouragement and confidence. To raise resilient and self-confident children, it is essential to convey a good image. And for good reason, children often tend to imitate and model their way of being on that of their parents. To avoid raising defeatist children, here are 5 things to never do.

1. Not pampering your children

Excessive pampering of your children can harm them. This makes them less likely to develop qualities like resilience and perseverance, thus making them less self-reliant. By pampering them, you risk making your children emotionally dependent and generating anxiety in them that could lead to burnout in adulthood. According to a study which focuses on mental strength and resilience, children who demonstrate resilience and are conditioned to fail are more likely to be confident and excel at what they do.

The goal is therefore not to stop showing them your affection but to make them autonomous and responsible as soon as possible. To do this, parenting expert Esther Wojcicki advises assigning seemingly trivial tasks to your child so that he assimilates the concept of responsibility. This can be done by setting the table every day or even making your bed every morning. “The more you trust your children to do things for themselves, the more independent they will be” she declared to the media CNBC.

2. Not punishing their failures

When you face failure, the best thing is to learn from it and not do it again. By blaming or punishing your child for failing, you risk making him or her feel ashamed and humiliated. Amy Morin, psychotherapist, insists on the fact that failure is mandatory to achieve success, it is therefore necessary to make her understand that it is normal not to always succeed and that failure is temporary. “The most accomplished people achieved their goals while failing along the way” writes the specialist on CNBC. “Children who do well later in life focus their attention on what went wrong and how they could fix it.”

It is therefore advisable to help children put things into perspective by making them understand that each mistake is made for the purpose of learning and that this allows them to gain confidence to be able to excel next time. To help your children accept their mistakes, you can share yours with them so they feel understood and supported. Seeing that they are not the only ones to experience this feeling of failure will make them put the seriousness of the situation into perspective.

3. Don’t be pessimistic

It’s no secret that being negative doesn’t help you perform well. It has been proven that optimistic children are better able to face obstacles. The psychologist expert in parenting Michele Borba states that the way parents behave greatly influences the way children think: “Our beliefs and attitudes affect our children“, she says. According to one study, being constantly negative can lead to a lack of perseverance and self-confidence. The child is then more likely to quickly abandon his plans.

It is therefore recommended to encourage him and pull him up as much as possible in order to help him put the situation in which he finds himself into perspective. By trying to convince him that everything is fine, he will end up believing it and adopting the same positive mentality as you.

4. Don’t get upset when your kids ask a lot of questions

Repeated questions can seem horrifying, especially when it’s not the appropriate time. However, getting angry at this excessive curiosity is of no use and risks encouraging him to no longer ask for an explanation for something he does not understand.

Curiosity is one of the greatest qualities a child can have. Therefore, it is necessary to encourage him to learn by asking questions and to be interested in what is around him. Researches have shown that children are more likely to learn and remember what they learn more easily when they are curious.

5. Don’t overreact

As a parent, it’s tempting (and normal) to want to get excited when your child tells you good news or, on the contrary, to worry when they get a bad grade. However, these exaggerated reactions can cause anxiety in your children. This can add extra pressure and harm their mental health.

The best thing to do is to put things into perspective and play down the situation if necessary. It is important to keep in mind that what is happening is not as serious as you might imagine. Temper your emotions and react proportionately so that your child can keep his head on his shoulders.