Match on a dating site, OK. But then you have to organize a date, knowing that some people make the wait last before this famous “date”. A practice that Americans call “serendipidating” and which does not bring any good.
When is the perfect time for a first date after you have matched on a dating app? Some like to meet the same day, so as not to languish behind a screen – and generally, to end up as quickly as possible in the bed of the other person. Others prefer to wait a little while to get to know the person they are talking to, just to be sure not to waste their time on an uninteresting date. But others make this first date sparkle for a long time … without any real intention of honoring it. A new amorous behavior referred to by the term “serendipidating”.
What is serendipidating?
Behind this complicated word which contains too many syllables, we find the contraction of “serendipity”, a word from English which means “happy coincidence”, and the famous “dating” that we no longer present. But what is the relationship between a happy coincidence and a person who again and again rejects the idea of a meeting? Be careful, the technique is particularly insidious. Your interlocutor takes their time … simply because they hope to find better by then.
Concretely, what does that give? It’s simple. You’ve hooked up with someone you like, you chat with them regularly, but every time you offer them a date, they’re never available. Or, she says yes, but cancels at the last moment. And above all, she never offers a new niche … But without cutting ties with you, since she intends to keep you under the elbow, “in case”. And if it reminds you of breadcrumbing, that’s normal, since this behavior is not that far off.
In love, a behavior that is not always easy to recognize
The big problem with serendipidating is that it’s hard to realize that you’re a victim of it. In our fast-paced lives, it’s easy to find yourself with a busy schedule. There is work, family, friends, and then of course, for several months now, the Covid-19. What better excuse than to say: “I am contact case” to cancel an appointment at the last minute, rather than pretending to have yet another meeting? In short, it’s hard to know if your crush has a busy schedule or if he’s looking for good excuses not to see you, while waiting to match the guy or the girl of his dreams.
The only clue that could put you on the alert is if your interlocutor never offers any remedial plan. There is indeed a big difference between someone telling you: “I’m not available this week, but we can see you next week on such and such a date”, and someone who simply answers: “This week it’s not going to be possible, we’ll talk about it later.” Small expressions of style: “I tell you as soon as I have provisions” Where “Don’t hesitate to call me back” may be a sign that you are dealing with a serendipidating follower.
To read also: Ghosting, cricketing, paperclipping: how many toxic practices have you encountered?
How to get out of this situation?
The best thing to do if you are sure you are facing someone who is wanting to find something better? To escape. That person will never make you their priority, and while you might end up snatching a date or the start of a romantic relationship, there’s little chance it will work in the long run. This relationship just risks turning into fleabagging, with a partner dating you so they’re not alone while being fully aware that you are not made for them.
Of course, there’s nothing stopping you from confronting the person who lets you marinate in your juice, but there’s a good chance they’ll deny it outright and blame you for making movies. Proper gashlighting that won’t do you any good. You might as well move on, it will save you time!
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