Elder, younger, youngest: it is often said that the rank occupied in the siblings has an impact on our life. The “eldest daughter syndrome”, popularized over the past few months, confirms this theory. Thus, the first-born of the family would be more responsible than her brothers and/or sisters. A situation that is not without consequences…
Have you heard of the “eldest daughter syndrome” ? On the internet, this condition is talking about a lot of people concerned. If the phenomenon is not medically recognized, it is most certainly experienced – evidenced by the many girls who share their anecdotes on TikTok. The associated hashtags (#eldestdaughtersyndrome #oldestdaughtersyndrome) thus gather nearly 33.9 million views when combined. A subject that therefore seems to touch and federate countless seniors… But what does it correspond to? The eldest daughter syndrome refers to theset of duties and responsibilities imposed on the first daughter of the familybecause of his rank in the siblings.
Parenting coaches explain that since she was their first child, parents had to learn how to educate her on the job. They therefore showed great zeal and severity towards him. From an early age, she was conditioned to bend excessively to parental authority, to stick to the label of “role model” that they assigned to him, and to fulfill the responsibilities incumbent upon him. She must do her homework without flinching, because she is a “secondary parent figure”* Who set an example for cadets (who learn by imitating older people). If Internet users have fun and joke about it, the phenomenon is actually more serious than it seems… It involves serious and destructive consequences on mental health of the firstborn, which include the mental loadTHE burnout or the parentification of the child concerned.
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Eldest Daughter Syndrome: A Multidimensional Mental Burden
We all know an eldest daughter in our circle. Regardless of the family from which she comes, her personality or her experience, she often corresponds to the same description as that applied to her peers: that of the child who must watch over his little sisters and/or little brothers, who must helping parents with household chores; in short, who must support family members in all spheres… From an early age, the eldest daughter is unconsciously drowned in responsibilities, subjected to a mental load that is difficult to bear: this phenomenon is called “eldest daughter syndrome”.
Over time, the mental load of the eldest daughter does not disappear: on the contrary, it increases. As she grows up, she does not shed her already well-established responsibilities, but others are added to it. Since she is gaining in age and maturity, the parents consider that she is now able to take on more responsibilities… Result: they allow themselves to delegate more things, in more areas. And the mental workload has several dimensions.
– Domestic load : more than the other children of the siblings, she goes take care of household chores. Doing the dishes, cleaning, shopping, washing clothes: the eldest takes on a lot of chores to lighten her parents’ workload. This domestic charge begins in childhood.
– emotional charge : pillar of the family on all levels, the members of the siblings can also rely on her in emotional terms. When they are not well, when they are sad, when they need to confide or need advice: they turn to her.
– Mental load called “kinkeeping”: in addition to being an emotional support, the eldest is also carrying guarantor of the agreement between the members of the siblings and preserves the relational harmony of the family.
– medical charge : she will for example take care of making an appointment with the doctor for her little brother and/or her little sister, or even for her parents.
– Administrative burden : adult, it is to the eldest that we will automatically turn to deal with the administrative papers of the parents when they are no longer able to manage. Invoices, taxes, letters…
These many layers of mental load that are superimposed over the years, condemn the eldest of the siblings to assume far too many responsibilities compared to what she can really bear. This has effects on his mental health: emotional and physical exhaustion, stress, burnout…
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An overflow of responsibilities that can tip over into the parentification of the eldest
The other risk generated by the eldest daughter syndrome is submit to the phenomenon of parentification. The latter intervenes when the parents impose too great responsibilities on the first-born; responsibilities not suited to his age or level of maturity. Thus, when the eldest is overempowered since her earliest childhood, this can have serious consequences on her mental health and on her psyche. Since she takes on adult duties which should not concern her, which she does not feel capable of assuming, she can then experience chronic stress and anxiety.
The second risk caused by parentification is the denial of emotions: the eldest, who feels invested with the mission of relieving her parents, can put aside her emotions to serve the rest of the siblings. Invalidated, neglected, unrecognized in her emotions by herself and therefore by others, she can become a very critical woman towards her person, constantly plagued by feelings of guilt.
Open-minded and in love with life, Emilie likes to decipher the new phenomena that shape society and relationships today. Her passion for the human being motivates her to write…