The father at birth: Nice, but useless?

It is almost normal today for the father to be present at the birth: you meet fathers in the delivery room just as often as doctors and midwives. However, studies have shown that they are less helpful. What can be done so that fathers are real support for their wives? A conversation with the gynecologist Achim Wöckel.

What good is it if the father is present at the birth?

More recent studies bring a sobering result: the expectant father in the delivery room does not make the birth faster, more bearable or more beautiful. Don't we need the men there? Dr. Achim Wöckel: Let's look at it the other way round. Fathers in the delivery room don't hurt. This question was the starting point for the studies you are addressing: Do men perhaps hinder the birth process through their own helplessness and their own fears? They are available to doctors and Midwives in the way You actually thought that for years! Fortunately, you can now clearly deny that. And as for the "nicer" thing: One demonstrable benefit of men in the delivery room is that most women feel more secure and secure through their presence. That's quite a lot. Fathers do not make the birth shorter, nor does the rate of interventions, such as the use of a contraceptive drop or drop, decrease Perineal cut. The consumption of painkillers even increases! Wouldn't it be better for men to stay outside? Under no circumstance! Today men are simply part of the birth, most of them want to be there too, not to miss this incredible experience, to support their wives. We don't want to go back to the 1950s when the men greeted their babies on the other side of the glass. It is more important to better prepare men for childbirth. Then they are definitely a support! But that's why there are partner evenings in the Birth preparation courses. Are they not enough? Very clear "no". Many men find it unpleasant to "have to" go to a women's course as an appendage. They do not dare to express their fears there and ask supposedly stupid questions. Men are reluctant to admit their weaknesses – especially not in the presence of a dozen women! So what's the alternative? For example, a pure men’s evening. The lecturer shouldn't necessarily be a woman either. When the fathers-to-be are among themselves, they tend to dare to ask: "How long does a birth take? Where should I stand? Can I go outside?" Actually, these are mundane questions. But discussing them takes the horror out of childbirth in a simple way. You don't need a lot of time for that, maybe an hour. Men prefer information in a condensed form.

Women do not expect anything from their husbands during childbirth

Then right away to the most important of the men’s questions: What does a man do all the time in the delivery room? There is the simplest and most difficult answer to this question: just be there. One of our studies has shown that women actually expect nothing from their husbands during childbirth – other than their presence. Massage, breathe: there are women who want that. But most of them want a man who is with them without fear and as relaxed as possible, quietly encourages them and motivates them. That sounds easy. It's still pretty difficult for us men. We want to act. Even if that sounds strange now, the pain in childbirth is difficult for a man to bear. He wants relief for his wife and is afraid of complications – this often leads to completely unnecessary actionism. He asks midwives and doctors for help; about finally releasing his wife from the pain. Studies have shown that this can lead to pain medication being administered earlier. If the man knows from the start that his job in the delivery room is to do nothing, this spiral will not even start. As a woman, I think: I'd rather take my best friend or sister with me to the delivery room. You don't have to laboriously explain how to endure and do nothing. It is not that easy. Even if in many cultures around the world childbirth is still a woman's business – it is no longer a matter for us. Many men really want to see their children be born. On the other hand, women also expect that their husbands will not leave them alone at this important moment. Nevertheless, I also believe that the father-to-be does not have to go to the delivery room at all costs. If you have too much fear and reservations, you should discuss this with your partner. A stressed man is no help, one should realize that. And then you should have the freedom to say: I'll come in the second the child is born – for a successful one Bonding this is also a good start. And before that, your best friend, sister or mother will hold your hand. That is absolutely fine. But don't you have to feel a little ashamed afterwards because you weren't there? Fortunately, it's not as bad here as it is in Scandinavia, for example, where men are expected to a much greater extent to accompany their partner to the birth. In Central Europe we are currently experiencing the opposite trend: in many countries, men are again more often in front of the delivery room door. I believe that this trend could be stopped here if we could manage to set up special fathers' evenings all over Germany to prepare for birth. We are working on it – but unfortunately we are still far from it.

This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.

Christiane Börger