Warning, this text is not suitable for pregnant women. Really not … So don't say we didn't warn you! This is more for the initiated. For all those whose great family romantic illusion has been smothered in diapers and carrot porridge.
I would like to say to you: it really is over. We know that for sure, because we actually survived – without a divorce lawyer. How it works? Here are the tips that helped us in the first year or that we would have loved to hear:
1. Never forget that you are not an individual fate
"Every family starts with a crisis!" That was what a midwife said to me at the time and I still love her for it today. What would I have been dazzled by all the handsome mums out there, by their # familyinlove hashtags and their enchanted smiles. I thought everyone was permanently happy in the first year, but not me. Far from it … most just keep appearances or have a good five minutes if you meet them. Then they howl a round, argue well with the child's father and wonder why they are so irritated. NO new mom is consistently happy. Let me tell you!
2. Do Pekip and all the frills only if you enjoy it
In retrospect, one of the most valuable tips: You don't have to do anything! Generations of children have discovered their brains, motor skills and bodies without ever being in pekip or swimming. Disturbing, but true! So you'd better sleep a lap or go for a walk if you don't feel like all these courses.
3. Don't think your husband is the wrong one
The divorce papers are loose in your hip pocket? We get it! His "sweetheart, the child screams" look is really running away. Still, just forget about everything you know about relationships in the first year and keep going. In the first baby year, the greatest princes dress up in annoying frogs, at least temporarily. After that it gets better. Unless he's really a frog. But it's enough to notice that in the second year. Now is not the time to make big decisions.
4. Take your time, whether the child is crying or not
You! You are! Holy! This sentence cannot have enough exclamation points. Only with the second or third child do you understand that the child can only be well if he is well himself. Then the baby just cries when you go to yoga. Go anyway. Because you left it in a very cozy apartment on daddy's or grandma's arm and didn't put it alone in a forest clearing. GO! And don't come back until you've relaxed.
5. Don't believe the other word
You may see it in the facebook comments below this article, but you may also know it from friends. For some reason there are always these mothers who have to say that everything is going perfectly with them. DON'T BELIEVE YOU! There is no such thing as perfect.
6. Hold out when the child cries out to dad
"Here, the baby wants to breast!" A classic from fathers as soon as the child chugs. Just don't participate. If you know for sure that hunger is not the problem, you have no to do, but HE. Just don't take the package. Because you lay a huge egg that you don't want to have. Because neither father nor child learn to trust each other as a team.
7. Give your figure a one-year grace period
You are a goddamn goddess! A child has grown in your body. It takes the body around nine months to regress to some extent. And since you probably don't make your money with physical perfection like Heidi Klum, give yourself a break from self-flagellation. After a year you can fight the kilos. Before that she just welcomes you. Too many construction sites in your head make you crazy.
8. Don't take outside judgment to heart
You are never judged from the outside as with children. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone has experience. Everyone just means well. The problem is: you will never be able to please everyone. So you'd better do it your way and let all the comments bounce off you. What you need as a mother is a layer of fat for the soul.
9. Do something you can do damn well
Do you miss glitz and gloria in your life? Of course you do. Nobody is standing behind you and claps when you put the Tupper can drawer back for the third time or get up for the fourth time in the night. So do something you can do damn well in a place where you value that. For example, pack a loving package for your best friend and then enjoy her joy.
10. Still don't think your husband is the wrong one
Yes, we repeat ourselves, but that's really the most important point: Even if the others don't admit it all: In most relationships, a nasty ice age begins in the first year of life. It's not up to you. It is not your love. Just replace "I love you" at short notice with "It's hard to be with you, but I still want it" More is just not possible. Everything will get better in a year !!! He, too!!! We are absolutely sure …