The most popular sex myths: What really happens in bed


Only women can fake an orgasm. Or? Abstinence increases the desire. Is that really true? Author Lynn Hagens reviews popular sex myths.

1. A stamina of 30 minutes is normal

Broader  lovemaking games – men usually assume that their little friend is always on their toes – ready to go when the time comes. And when her stately erection runs out of breath in the meantime, this is a bitter disappointment for not a few men.

But not only men, but also women have always quite unrealistic expectations of male staying power. Since the erection is the most visible sign of his excitement, they assume that their loss is an indication that his desire just got a kink. In reality, however, the penis is not built for longer lasting erections. When erect, the blood pressure in the penis is significantly higher than in the rest of the body. If this high pressure lasts too long, it can damage the vessels and lead to the result that in the future no real erections can take place any more. Therefore, a permanent erection is not fun, but urgently in need of treatment. To make sure things do not get that far, Mother Nature set it upon average every 15 minutes loses some posture.

2. Circumcised men last longer

In circumcised men, the glans, and thus the most sensitive part of the penis, is no longer covered by the protective foreskin. As a result, she loses some of her sensitivity over time because she is so “naked” in direct contact with her environment – even with her underwear. However, this hardening hardly affects male stamina– circumcised men do not survive on average any more than their uncircumcised counterparts. Much more than the presence of the foreskin, it depends on individual factors such as state of health, training (yes, really!), The degree of arousal and last but not least the consumption of alcohol and Co. – and these factors can change from time to time Change time. Men who suffer from premature ejaculation may occasionally be advised to remove the foreskin to delay orgasm . However, as there are also circumcised men who suffer from premature ejaculation, the success of the measure is not really guaranteed

Sex: The most popular sex myths: What really happens in bed

3. The first night must be unforgettable

We all know it from the cinema: When finally the right one has been found and the dream couple spend the first night together, the sex is unforgettable. In reality, however, this often looks different: nervousness and tension are among the biggest enemies of good sex – and who would not be nervous the first time with a new partner? 

Although the stimulus of the new makes for a lot of excitement and desire, and the hormones heat up the erotic even more, but still lurk in the deciding moment a lot of bankruptcies and mishaps. Thus, the unforgettableness of the first night together often results from the many pitfalls that await us. However, that does not have to play the least role in the quality of the further relationship : Even after a freaky first time, a couple can find a wonderful interaction in bed – at least, if not mistaken, for the first time previewing the rest of their shared sex life.

4. A good lover can do several times in succession

In theory, a man needs an average of only ten minutes to rest before his best piece is ready for orgasm again. Not a few sex counselors – not to mention erotic novels or movies – therefore stir up the expectation that a good lover can also several times in succession. In reality, however, it usually seems that only young men are always ready for a new erotic engagement. Since they are at the height of their sexual capacity, they are occasionally quite able to enter into lovemaking again and again. The emphasis, however, is on “occasionally” .

For an endless sequence of orgasms, the male organism is simply not created. From a biological point of view, sex is primarily used for reproduction. However, the production of new sperm in the testes takes a certain amount of time. Therefore, the number of sperm in the ejaculate and even the amount of sperm decreases rapidly even in close successive orgasms – the shooter is simply out of his ammunition. In addition, sex is also a very exhausting affair. It raises the blood pressure, the pulse is faster, all sorts of muscles tighten and even the breathing is deepened. In short, not only the genital organs, but the whole man needs a rest after sex. And this must be more extensive, the more it has expired before.

5. Too much sex wears out the vagina

This claim is clearly in the category of horror fairy tales – in this case those who, in earlier, prudish times, were to prevent women from freely living their sexuality and giving in to their lust. The vagina is an elastic, muscular tube that can change its size and shape during lovemaking and, in the event of orgasm in its anterior part, can become exciting rhythmic contractions. 

Like all muscles, the muscle strands of the vagina are not flabby through regular exercise, but tend to be more powerful– there is no reason to worry. Only with advancing age does the vagina gradually become less elastic, and its walls become thinner. However, this has nothing to do with the number of sexual contacts, but with the declining estrogen levels after the menopause. If the size ratio between the penis and the vagina is so unbalanced that a rather small penis does not fill a rather wide vagina as much as both parties would like it, targeted pelvic floor training can be donehelp. The pelvic floor muscles are repeatedly tense as if you wanted to break the urine stream on the toilet. The training is also recommended if the pelvic floor is weakened after one or more births and the vagina during sex therefore continues to appear as before.

6. Abstinence increases pleasure

If this was true in principle, there would probably be no religious vows of celibacy for a long time. Abstinence has no direct, immediate effect on sexual desire. Although it is possible that – especially in a happy relationship – a period of forced abstinence can cause both partners to fall on each other afterwards as in the first infatuation. Voluntary austerity, on the other hand, is only very suitable as a means of increasing pleasure. 

On the contrary, it can even lead to the desire disappearing completely over the course of time, because you hardly remember what you do not miss! So, if you want good, lustful sex, it’s best to schedule time for regular practice sessions.Lust can also be learned and trained, and the memory of pleasurable, ecstatic hours for two alone can make sure that there is always a desire for more. Therefore, abstinence is to be treated with caution, especially when the sex life is already suffering from boredom and listlessness – in that case it can do more to make it permanent.

7. Women are less likely to have sex than men

According to studies, over a third of men think of sex every thirty seconds, and only one in ten women does so. But is this also proof that women are less likely to have sex than men? When answering these questions, the age of those affected depends heavily on :Not only the physical performance, but also the desire for sex varies in severity depending on the age. In men, the time of greatest physical performance coincides with the greatest sexual desire. Her sex instinct rises steeply in puberty and has its peak in early 20s. Only from the 30th birthday, he lets then clearly noticeably. Women, on the other hand, are also physically in their early 20s and above all, from a biological point of view, the best age to have children. Their sex drive, however, increases much slower than the young men.

Only from the beginning of 30 is her sexual desire as pronounced as in men of the same age. This is often related to the fact that they have gotten to know their bodies much better and also have more self-confidence to express their sexual desires. In the first decades of life, it may well be true that in nearly the same age couples, the man more often lust for sex than his partner. From the age of 30, however, her sexual desire will be roughly the same. And from the 40th year of age, the opposite may apply: Women at this age often have much more desire for sex than men of the same age.This is because the sex drive of the man at this age slowly declines, while the woman continues to enjoy sex. In addition, women who approach forty-five often have a desire to have a baby before the onset of menopause makes it impossible.

Sex: The most popular sex myths: What really happens in bed

8. Only women can fake an orgasm

Women are not the only ones who are able to fake an orgasm to their sex partner to cut short the love game (or to spare his ego). Virtually every man manages to do this with a little skill, and around two-thirds of German men have done so before. Cum is only an obvious sign of an orgasm when it pours out where it can be seen (and it does not show up in huge amounts). Within the vagina, it is so difficult to check, and even a condom must make man disappear just inconspicuously enough.

By the way, men fool orgasms for the same reasons women do: because they do not want to disappoint their partner, they just do not have enough excitement or energy to orgasm, or for one reason or another, they want sex over quickly. This does not have to be the partner or a reason for a relationship crisis, if he gets caught. However, it shows that there could be more openness and sincerity in the partnership. Because then the pretending of an orgasm might not have been necessary.

9. Normal are three times a week sex

With the greatest disagreement, there is still the question of how much sex man needs to be happy. For some people, three times sex a week is almost too much of a good thing, while others are still craving for more after that. According to the cliché, the latter is especially common among men, while women would also like to be content with less sex. But is there any general answer to the question of how much sex is normal? The answer is almost certainly no. 

Because as different as the sexual preferences of the people is their individual need for sex.And that can even vary considerably over time. For many young men, there is hardly anything more important in life than the most beautiful trivial thing in the world – and they would often like to enjoy it accordingly. Older men, on the other hand, usually have a significantly lower appetite for sexual activity. And in the case of women, too, the need for sex increases more and more in the course of adulthood, before it gradually decreases again. 

In addition to such age-related fluctuations , however, the desire for sex can change enormously in the short term as well.Changes in the circumstances, the state of health or the occupation by family and work therefore allow for the question of the ideal frequency everything from once a month to once a day – and you should not let anyone tell you anything else, as long as you and your partner are satisfied with it.

10. Pubic hair does not serve any purpose anyway

… and that’s why you can shave it without hesitation, trim it to interesting short hairstyles or even tear it out with the help of wax stripes – if the personal pain threshold allows it. Body hair has also lost a lot of fans in the intimate area since the 60s, and even among men, the trend is around to shave not only the face, but also generously the rest of the body. Even though the hairlessness is currently perceived by many people – following the fashion – as sexy, it can diminish the sex appeal from a biological point of view: the pubic hair and the armpit hair namely serve to absorb the produced in these areas fragrances and their effect by a increase increased evaporation.

This may not be very attractive in typical sweat odor, but in the case of the pheromones released in these areas as well, recent research strongly suggests that they also act as sexual attractants in humans – although we normally do not consciously perceive them. So the odds are that the pubic hair will increase sexual attraction just when it’s not in the hottest fashion ! And this is (in addition to the unpleasant pikes of the regrowing hair) but a good reason to prefer a complete depilation two times.

Sex: The most popular sex myths: What really happens in bed

11. Men get a seed jam on sex withdrawal

Some men complain of prolonged sex withdrawal (and it can already be enough for three days) about a painful Samenstau. Her explanation for that sounds quite plausible at first: after all, her testicles from puberty to old age are constantly busy producing billions of sperm, and if they do not get rid of them from time to time – well, their testicles seem like To go to a blown up balloons: the pressure in it is almost unbearable. 

So far, so plausible – but what’s really up to this story? And why do we women get to hear them again and again, as if suddenly there was no longer the opportunity to satisfy themselves? On closer inspection, the danger of thepainful seed jam fortunately as a pretty fairy tale. Although the number of sperm in the first five days after ejaculation increases steadily until it reaches its average level, but the imaginary reservoir in which these sperm are stored, in no way resembles a reservoir without outflow. After all, the human body is not designed to unnecessarily waste valuable resources: as the sperm begin to decay in a matter of days , unusable and excess sperm are gradually absorbed again.However, this happens completely unnoticed by the man and he does not suffer the slightest pain. In some cases, however, sex withdrawal can actually lead to pain in the epididymis and vas deferens: If a man is sexually aroused for a long time without ejaculation. However, this phenomenon is not caused by the accumulated seeds, but by spasms in the muscles of the spermatic ducts. Instead of jumping into bed with the poorest person, if in doubt, it should be equally possible to give his excitement a strong cushion – or to discreetly remind him that the alleviation of his pain finally lies in his hands.

12. Masturbation is bad for the partnership

The masturbation looks in Europe on a painful history: one of the greatest evils of humanity was seen especially in the 18th and 19th centuries in her, and church officials such as doctors did their best to keep the population by all means from masturbating. Allegedly, masturbation was the safe ticket to sickness, physical and mental deterioration, and finally an early death. Diets, exercise, a multitude of prohibitions and rules, and even the wearing of “anti-injurious belts” that made it impossible to touch one’s own genitals meant that generations of Europeans and Americans should be put off masturbating from childhood. 

Fortunately, the situation has now relaxed again.Medicine has proven that masturbation does not have any harmful side effects, at least as long as you do not spend too much time on it around the clock and forget about eating, drinking and sleeping. However, the matter is more complicated when a strong relationship comes into play. While most people consider masturbation for singles to be a perfectly acceptable method of reducing sexual tension, many also believe that they have no place in a relationship.It is often said that masturbation is a sign that sex with the partner is not satisfying enough. Although this can happen occasionally, but usually you do not have to worry about it: Usually, the masturbation and also experienced the orgasm because as so different from the sex with the partner experienced that a comparison not so readily pull could. Sex alone is just not the same pleasure as sex with a loved one. And masturbation can even strengthen the partnership, because the better the two partners know their bodies and their preferences and needs, the better the shared sexuality can be lived out.

13. Sex lasts on average 20 minutes

The “normal” duration of sex is one of the most popular issues in world history. In some ways, it is worth keeping with Einstein here and assuming that everything is relative – especially time. If you want to know more about it, first of all, you should define more precisely which time span it would like to measure: the time a couple spends in bed or the duration of the actual sexual intercourse. 

Since the foreplay can take only a short and sometimes very long time to suit your mood, usually only the latter is taken into account – the time from penetration of the penis into the vagina to the orgasm of at least one of the participants and the end of the active lovemaking. In surveys, many people – especially men – estimate this time span to be 20 to even 30 minutes.Women are usually more realistic and tap for about ten minutes. As a rule, hardly anyone of the respondents has actually looked at the clock. On the other hand, men who suffer from premature ejaculation often complain about a two to three minute shorebreak (and they occasionally occasionally glance at the clock).

But does the normal sexual act take so much longer? And is there a typical duration at all? At least on the latter question, the answer is definitely no. For some couples, sex usually lasts only a few minutes, while others may actually reach 20 minutes – and even then the duration can vary considerably from time to time. Studies have shown that the actual duration of the sexual act is usually much shorter than it appears to those involved: in most cases it lasts only about five minutes.

14. Sexual preferences and fantasies always stay the same

Many people rely on the fact that sex with their partner always remain the same, and above all, in the same way will provide for satisfaction and enjoyment. But this is a mistake. Sex is like good food: just because you did not like it in the past does not mean that you can develop a strong passion for it later. Gourmets know that every now and then it’s worth jumping over your own shadow and trying something that has not really been able to appeal to them. Sometimes, after the first bite, they realize that their first impression was the right one and that the food simply does not harmonize with their taste buds.

Sometimes, however, they unexpectedly experience a culinary firework that can surpass all their wildest expectations. Therefore, I can only recommend that you never draw a line under the topic of sex and decide that you now know everything important – and above all, know exactly what you like it. The biggest favor you can do to yourself and your partner is to be playful from year to year and openly to deal with physical love. This does not necessarily mean that you should one day invest in latex and leather or stealthily go to a swingers club. Often it is the little things that make life and love varied and exciting:Hot kisses, which are usually only shared by freshly in love teenagers, intimate touches in unexpected moments, a new intensity of tenderness or a surprisingly clear expression of one’s own desires.

15. Much sex makes you pregnant quickly

The more often you have sex, the faster pregnancy works – this fallacy has driven many a couple to the edge of physical performance. At least if the same man is always involved, more sex does not automatically mean that more fertile sperm are involved. On the contrary: the testicles can not then reproduce the spermatozoa as fast as they are consumed,and, moreover, there is a shortage of important substances such as zinc, which protect the sensitive sperm, among other things from harmful environmental influences. From a medical point of view couples having a desire to have children should therefore not sleep more often than every two days, so that there is enough fertile sperm – because the higher the density of the spermatozoa in sperm, the greater the chances of fertilization.