Jill Vandermeulen, better known as Silent Jill, broke terrible news to her Instagram followers on July 25. The YouTuber lost her baby a few weeks pregnant. A test on which she wanted to speak to break taboos.
Each year, around 2 million babies die in utero, during childbirth or in their first days of life, according to figures from WHO (World Health Organization). For families, this is called perinatal bereavement. It is an extremely difficult ordeal to live, especially when there was nothing to indicate any problem in the course of the pregnancy.
Recently, the Belgian columnist and YouTuber, Jill Vandermeulen, unfortunately went through this tragedy. The one who is better known as Silent Jill made the sad announcement on Instagram, Sunday, July 25. In this poignant message, she aims above all to break the silences “that our society inflicts on us” on perinatal bereavement. In 2021, perinatal mourning is indeed still taboo, even if the word begins to be released on the subject.
“Before starting from scratch it was crucial for me to confide in you. We lost our future baby… Perfect blood tests, classic symptoms, a great first echo with a small heart beating, no negative signs. At no time did I think that the rest of this great new adventure would turn into a nightmare ”, she begins by writing, in the caption of an illustration of a woman crying in a bed. Before telling: “Tuesday July 20, we have an appointment for the second ultrasound. Being a mother of three children with perfect pregnancies, this is a little date for me just to hear that all is well. ‘I’m upset Madam, the pregnancy has progressed well, but I no longer see the little heart beating’. Naked, legs apart, a probe in the vagina, my world crumbles around me. “
Millions of questions
The mother explains that she had the impression, at that moment, that the minutes lasted forever. In shock, she couldn’t say a word at first. “And then I crack, I panic, I burst into tears still naked on this table with this damn mask on my mouth which prevents me from breathing between each sob. ‘Oh my god kids, they’re going to be devastated…’ that’s the first thought I had. “, she continues. Like many, she then asked herself millions of questions… which she will never have the answers to.
“Now we just have to move forward, fear in the stomach, start over and hope that our family never goes through this again. Our story is the story of 20% of women. Thanks in part to social networks, we dare to talk about it, break taboos (…) Talking about it a lot around me has been saving. I had a surge of benevolence from so many women and men around me. And it helped me so much. Not an inappropriate remark. The proof that I am surrounded by beautiful people ”, she concludes, announcing soon to make an “open heart” video on the subject, to help other women. A testimony that also makes it possible to show those who are going through this ordeal that they are not alone.
Read also: Perinatal bereavement: “I was not ready to go home without the babies. Bypass the baby’s room. Not wanting to go there again, never ”
When you experience such grief during pregnancy, it is sometimes difficult to talk about it. Because we feel guilty, we are afraid of being judged or of hearing hurtful remarks from those around us (conscious or unconscious). However, having the opportunity to express what we feel, what we experience, is a first step towards healing. Some parents will need to talk about it in order to come out and move forward, others not. Anyway, it is essential to reassure them by telling them that it is normal to be sad, upset, angry or on the contrary, not to feel anything at all. There are no right or wrong ways to experience perinatal bereavement.
Journalist specializing in parenthood, Elise writes for aufeminin and Parole de mamans. She is also very involved in the fight for women’s rights. If you only have to remember …