The newsletter of M The magazine of the World gets a new look. To subscribe for free, go here.
For several years, a strange phenomenon has been occurring in the busiest swimming pools in France. Some swimmers began to resemble motorists. They curse when one of them isn’t moving at the right speed, and insult each other in the event of a collision. Hot swimmers can only be found in their natural element: the deep end. Once in the showers and without bodywork, it is impossible to detect the authors of the crawl line’s rants (just as it is impossible to guess who covered the locker room door with anatomically exaggerated graffiti). And, when they find themselves in the shoe-off zone, they participate in conversations, gentle as lambs, like motorists happy to have arrived at their destination.
How do we recognize them?
They don’t understand that other swimmers don’t follow their unwritten rules (“if you swim breaststroke, stay on the side”).
Like motorists on the southern highway on busy departure days, they go to the swimming pool during rush hour and are surprised that everyone is there too. They avoid lines 2 meters wide instead of the standard 2.5 meters like others avoid departmental roads. They find on the road that there are too many heavy goods vehicles and at the swimming pool that the clubs take up too much space. They don’t like to slow down in the car or in the water and attempt to overtake or change lines, even if they don’t have the necessary speed, rather than feeling like they’re being slowed down. They can’t help but swim faster when someone tries to pass them.
When they happen to kick, they are convinced that it was the other who did not keep his right in the corridor.
If they attack another swimmer, they cause slight general slowdowns, because no one wants to risk losing a moment of the exchange by dipping their head back into the water.
Adepts of flexinavigation, one day a pedestrian, another a cyclist, another motorist, they pass from one camp to another without the slightest difficulty. They insult fast swimmers if they are accompanied by a child or ask children to get away if they are alone.
They are disturbed by those who chat while swimming and turn down the radio in the car to do their slot. They find suspicious those who remain at the edge of the swimming lane after a lap, like broken down cars. They like to act as police by checking to see if there are any free riders who haven’t paid for their aquagym ticket and sneak the movements further along in a line reserved for swimmers. But they become very small underwater when the lifeguards intervene.
You have 28.67% of this article left to read. The rest is reserved for subscribers.