Confidence is the key to happiness. And you get that easier than you think. Editor Sarah Schuch explains the secret to you.
Very few of us are really completely satisfied with ourselves. Questions like: ‘Am I lovable?’ or ‘What do others think of me?’ restrict us and do not allow us to develop freely.
I’m actually in a position to say about myself: I get up in the morning and I’m surrounded by a warm feeling – bliss! I moved to my favorite city of Hamburg, have a dream job and have met wonderful people. And yet there are always these self-doubts. We know them all.
Melli, Konny and Shirien inspired me with their blog ‘Herzensfreunde’. “We wish for a generation of women who discover beauty in themselves and others. Together. Authentic. Here and now.”
It is precisely with this attitude that we should approach the subject. Self-reflection is important and doubts are natural – but you have to stop the merry-go-round. One thing is clear for the bloggers: the secret to more self-confidence lies in loving yourself.
Why is it so important to love yourself?
“I don’t think there’s anything we women struggle with like loving ourselves. The only problem is that we’ll have to somehow get along with ourselves for the next few decades! That means either we start learning, to love ourselves or we’ll be at war with ourselves for the next few years! And that’s destructive.”according to Melli.
After all, taking care of yourself is the key to the lock, Shirien explains: “I considered myself worthless, unattractive and inferior and kept trying to plug these holes in my heart. And unfortunately often with the wrong things! I’ve been on diets, let people into my life who ultimately love me more hurt than made happy, didn’t trust myself to do things and put myself down.”
But today is different: “When I look in the mirror today, with six kilos more on my ribs and with some life circumstances that I actually planned differently, then I’m happier than ever before. There are still days when I’m on me, on my I have doubts about my body and my personality, but I’m learning more and more to really love myself. I’m learning to really be happy about myself and not to make my decisions out of a lack anymore.”
Why is self-doubt or doubt in general okay?
“Doubts are part of it. Without a doubt we wouldn’t grow, wouldn’t reflect and wouldn’t question anything. I think the worst thing about doubts is that we often punish ourselves for doubting ourselves.”says Shirien and goes on to say: “The art is to perceive doubts, to change something when it is necessary and to let go of it when not.”
3 tips from heart friends: This is how I manage to love myself
Tip 1: Ask yourself – who do you listen to?
There are always voices that influence us. But it is much more important to listen to yourself. “We listen to a society that often tells us how women should be and look so that they are more successful, happier or more married.”, says Melli. But that should be the end of it now. The heartfelts believe in the voice of God telling them, ‘Hey, you know what?! I love you so incredibly bad! You are important to me!’ Ultimately, however, everyone should find out for themselves which voice they trust.
Tip 2: Ask yourself – who are you comparing yourself to?
Stop making comparisons! This is easier said than done, but what we should internalize is: nobody is more than you. “If a penguin were to compare himself to an eagle, he would be sad for the rest of his life, because both are birds and one can fly, the other cannot, BUT the penguin swims like a champion! So, discover who YOU are! And then, swim away!”motivates Melli.
Tip 3: Ask yourself – what fight are you fighting?
Self-love is not only an achievement in itself, but also in dealing with others, explains Melli: “I think we women are fighters! Especially when fighting against ourselves and against other women. But how about we fight not against each other but with each other? And then cheer each other on, replacing lies with truth, and as a community stand up for each other, be there for each other with an open mind, love each other, support each other. So what fight are you fighting?”
What makes life so much better when you have internalized this attitude?
Konnie: “What makes life better, I believe, is above all that YOU make the choice. You choose not to depend on the love and approval of others. You choose to be good to yourself want. You decide that you would rather fight with your fellow human beings than against them. Accept yourself as you are. From all the decisions, self-esteem, relationships, even entire life situations can be influenced for your best!”